


You look as Good as the Day I Met You

by ColorCoated



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Boyfriends, Bucky Barnes Feels, Dad!Steve, Gay Bucky Barnes, Kid Fic, M/M, Nurse!Steve, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Past Relationship(s), Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Romance, Schmoop, Sex, Steve Rogers Feels, War Veteran Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:05:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8862010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorCoated/pseuds/ColorCoated
Summary: Here's the thing: Steve has a good life. It took him a few years to pull it together, but he really did. He has his city, a fulfilling job, his people: Peggy, Peter, and Sam. He really has it all. The pain that burned through him when Bucky left was long gone. He'd grown up, grown past, and moved on.Or at least he thought he had. He'd buried those feelings so deep and moved past him. But staring at Bucky was making things bubble up, and he wasn't even sure what he was feeling. He was so certain that Bucky was in his past and that he was over him. That certainty seemed to waver a bit as Steve's mouth went dry just looking at his ex-boyfriend.





	1. I was doing just fine before I met you

**Author's Note:**

> Ummm, hello. Is this thing on? I'm new to writing on here. (Not new to loving all things Stucky.)
> 
> This poor thing in un-betaed so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Title comes from the Chainsmoker's Closer which inspired this somehow.

Steve was happy he thought to change out of his scrubs before leaving work. Fall in New York could be unpredictable, but he at least knew that the weather had dropped quite a few degrees since early this morning. 

He'd forgotten and then been pleasantly surprised about the extra pair of boot cut jeans he'd left in his locker. Out of exhaustion (or to be honest with himself, the fact that he never made plans to actually do anything after work), he'd fallen into the habit of heading home in his scrubs and just dropping them into the hamper as soon as he made it back to the apartment. 

But it'd been a little too long since he'd seen Sam, or at least got to do something relaxing with just the two of them. So he'd pulled on the jeans, fitted around his tiny waist but relaxed around the rest of his legs (which was an accomplishment all on its own - finding jeans that fit his trim waist size but didn't constrict around his, frankly massive, thighs was not easy. Another reason he loathed to shop for himself.) Followed by a tight navy blue sweater, that was probably a size and a half too small, judging by the way the seams tried to protest as it stretched across his broad shoulders (having a nearly impossible shoulder to waist ratio made shopping even worse. It's why Steve appreciated the simplicity of scrubs. They weren't meant to be fitted or perfect. And although the light purple color signified that he worked in the pediatric section of the ER, it certainly wasn't flattering. But the scrubs were simple, awful color of not, and he didn't have to struggle to shop for them, which was one of life's small favors). 

Leather jacket pulled over his shoulders, he stepped out of the hospital doors, throwing a wave over his shoulder at the nurses' station as he went. Sharon was on duty after him, and was ready to push him out the door. Steve didn't mind his schedule, typically working three 12-hour days a week was conducive to his lifestyle, and the long days rarely bothered him. But, thanks to a rather unexpected and gnarly bout of norovirus, most of the his team had called off sick and Steve had just rounded his fifth 12-hour shift in as many days. He was greatly looking forward to the next four days he had off. He was also looking forward to sleeping. 

So much sleeping. 

(If he could get away with it.) 

Steve liked Howard Stark Memorial, and was pleasantly surprised he was able to find an apartment not too far from his new place of employment when he moved to New York, nearly three years ago. He had grown up in New York, so when Peggy mentioned something about considering a move, Steve jumped at the chance. Washington DC had lost its luster, and the opportunity to get back to his roots felt right. Sure, he was a bit closer to Manhattan than Red Hook, but it was the outskirts and convenient for work. 

His place was a two mile walk from the hospital, and with his long legs and easy strides, it took him 30 minutes at a leisurely pace. This particularly evening, he only had to walk fifteen minutes (in the opposite direction) until he approached the bar he'd promised to meet Sam at. Checking his watch, he was a bit early, but reached for the door handle and left himself in. 

Steve hadn't been to this place before, as he hadn't really been hanging out in bars lately, and took his time looking around. It was homey enough, with a polished bar in the center and booths lined around the sides. There were two or three TVs mounted near the bar, on either side, all displaying a variety of different sports games. 

It seemed like the kind of smaller, quiet place that Sam would choose. 

Letting his eyes finish their circuit around the place, he took a step towards the bar. His glanced over the patrons at the far end, and his heart just about stopped. The whole room seemed to slowly tilt on its axis and Steve felt dizzy with shock. 

Either his heart stopped, or he'd been punched in the chest because it felt like his lungs weren't working quite right either. 

He hadn't felt anything like this since he was sixteen and sucking on an inhaler as if his life depended on it (...which it often did). 

_Bucky._

There was no way. Really, there was no inconceivable way that Bucky would be here, in New York, in the same bar as himself. 

That would be impossible. 

Or at least improbable? 

Steve inhaled deeply through his open mouth (as his jaw had dropped and he couldn't seem to pick it back up). In the back of his mind, he knew he was gaping, and that it was rude, but it had been four years. 

Four long years. 

Four long heartbroken years. 

The last time he saw Bucky, he was standing outside his old DC apartment, trying to stop the crumbling feeling in his chest, as Bucky left him. 

Regardless of the fact that his heart seemed to be beating out his chest (first it stopped beating, and now it seemed to be pumping uncontrollably), he knew what he was seeing. He would know that profile anywhere. That strong jawline, chestnut colored hair, shoulders seemingly broader than he remembered... 

As if he couldn’t feel more off kilter than he already did, Bucky (because it was no one but Bucky, Steve was sure) took that moment to turn his body, angling it away from the man next to him, placing Steve right in his direct line of sight. 

Steve could see the moment Bucky noticed him, could see his shoulders lift, could see the slow smile stretch all the way across his face. And it was radiant. Steve was sure that that big, beautiful smile was lighting up the whole room. 

As Bucky stepped away from the bar, and towards himself, Steve felt his feet stuck to the floor. He was sure if he wanted to move towards Bucky, or away from him, but his body couldn't seem to connect to his body's indecision and just left him tied to where he stood. 

At least he managed to pick his jaw up, so he was only staring incredulously rather than gaping. 

Bucky was walking toward him, and Steve didn't know what to do with himself. The room seemed to move in slow motion and blur around the edges as the man approached him. Bucky stopped, about a foot away from him, with that same smile still displayed on his face. 

"Well," his eyes crinkled at the edges, tied to his smile, "Hiya, Steve." 

Steve nodded once, feeling a smile pull at the edge of his lips. He blinked once and images of the past assaulted him behind his eyelids. As he pictured Bucky's naked body sweat slick against his, he took a deep breath and gave Bucky a small smile in return. "Hi, Bucky. It's been a while." 

"Yeah," Bucky's head titled a bit in acknoweldgement, the smile still brightening up his face, "Guess so." 

"You look," Steve's tongue felt too big for his mouth and he pressed it against his teeth, quickly and respectfully giving Bucky a once over, "Good." Steve nodded, seemingly to himself, and pulled his words back together, "You look good." 

And he did. He looked better than Steve had ever seen him. 

Bucky looked _whole_ , and Steve had never seen that before. His hair was clean, and hung down to his chin in soft gentle waves, unlike the stringy mess it had been four years ago. The bags under his eyes, were no longer appearing as deep-purple bruises, and were nearly non-existent. Those beautiful gray blue eyes were bright, not as flat as they'd been when Bucky said goodbye. He shoulders weren't curved in on themselves with an impossible intangible weight on them. 

Bucky looked whole. 

Bucky looked strong. 

"Aw," he even looked the slightest bit bashful, in response to Steve's compliment (which wasn't even supposed to be a compliment, it was just the truth – compared to the light that had been barely flickering in his eyes years ago, now he looked radiant), "Well, I suppose you don't look so bad yourself, Steve." 

Steve shrugged it off, knowing that he looked exactly the same as he did years ago. 

"I like the beard." 

Oh, except for that. Steve liked the beard too (As did Peter, whose opinion was of the utmost importance). He'd had it for a few years now, but Bucky's simple acknowledgment made his insides feel soft and warm. 

Here's the thing: Steve had a good life. It took him a few years to pull it together, but he really did. He had his city, a fulfilling job, his people: Peggy, Peter, Angie, Thor, and Sam. He really had it all. The pain that burned through him when Bucky left was long gone. He'd grow up, grown past, and moved on. 

Or at least he thought he had. He'd buried those feelings so deep and moved past him. But staring at Bucky was making things bubble up, and he wasn't even sure what he was feeling. He was so certain that Bucky was in his past and that he was over him. That certainty seemed to waver a bit as Steve mouth went dry just looking at his ex-boyfriend. 

He was something else. Bucky had always had a nice body (and the finest ass Steve had ever seen), but this new Bucky was something else. He had always been a bit lean – tight, compact muscles, along a slender, smooth frame. Steve could barely believe the body Bucky had now. He had to have gained at least thirty pounds. It took a second before Steve realized his eyes were staring at Bucky's thick pectorals muscles instead of his eyes. Bucky had filled out. Those look like muscles he could really sink his teeth into. 

Steve felt his heart rate pick up again, but this time it wasn't from surprise. It was from how that red Henley pulled across Bucky's chest. 

Damn. Look at his biceps. 

_...biceps?_

Steve's eyes widened in shock as he lifted them back up to lock with Bucky's. The left sleeve that normally hung empty at his side, was no longer there. Bucky had two arms. TWO. ARMS. Feeling confused, Steve's brow furrowed and questioned simply, "Buck?" 

"Uh yeah," Bucky's smile turned into something softer, and he did look bashful this time, "It's why I'm in New York, actually. Got me a robot arm." He used his right hand to tug the sleeve up a bit on his left, and Steve immediately noticed the metallic gleam of the cybernetic arm. 

Of course, Steve latched on to the first part, "You're in New York? Permanently?" 

He nodded, "Yeah. Yes. I'm in a prosthetics trial over at Stark Industries. I moved here about a month ago." 

"Were you in DC still, before this?" 

After the breakup, Steve hadn't talked to Bucky, hadn't heard from Bucky, hadn't anything from Bucky. He told himself that was normal when people broke up, but he didn't want his 'ex' to see how broken up he'd become. 

A shake of the head, "No. I uh, I was in Bucharest." 

Maybe another reason why Steve hadn't heard from him. His eyes widened and couldn't stop himself from parroting back, "Bucharest?" 

"After," Bucky caught himself trying to figure out what word he was looking for, and just shrugged helplessly, "After everything, I just had to get out. Get somewhere else. I packed a bag, moved out there, and stayed until I came out here. I spent a couple weeks in Indiana visiting my folks, because they didn't take well to me coming back after four years and _not_ seeing them, and then found a place out here a month ago." 

Steve didn't know what to say. Bucky had been halfway across the world, away from Steve, while Steve was doing who the fuck knows with his life. Now Bucky was here. In front of him. And his insides felt upside down. 

Steve blinked, realizing that Bucky was waiting for him to respond. To say anything. So he nodded again – like an idiot, "I live in New York too. Been here about three years now." 

Bucky titled his head in response, clearly working out that Steve had stayed in DC for a year before leaving. "Felt like coming home?" 

Steve's brow furrowed, "Something like that." 

Bucky's eyes crinkled again as his smile grew, and Steve almost couldn't handle it. 

When had he ever seen Bucky smile like that? Had he ever seen Bucky so easy, so carefree? 

In hindsight, Steve knew the breakup was for the best. He knew that a year later, but it was a hard pill to swallow. It had gotten to a point where the relationship had become destructive for both of them. Bucky was trying to hard to be who he thought Steve wanted him to be, and Steve was giving everything he could to try and make Bucky happy. It wasn't fair to either of them. 

But Steve couldn't let go. He thought Bucky was it for him. The minute they met in that supermarket, Steve had them walking down the aisle. He loved Bucky – loved him so completely, wholly, and irrevocably. But Bucky couldn't return it, not in the way Steve needed. 

Here's the thing: In 2005, Bucky had turned 18 and enlisted, he stayed in the Army until 2011 when he got shipped back to DC one limb short of when he started. Then he met Steve. He was only a few weeks out of the Sandbox before he fell for the kindest and sweetest man he'd ever know. 

And Bucky had loved Steve, he really had. But being in love didn't replace the rest of the hated and guilt that plagued him. Love couldn't chase away the nightmares. Love didn't stop PTSD from nearly controlling his life. Loving Steve didn't bring his friends back from the dead, and it certainly didn't assuage the guilt Bucky had from those deaths. Love for Steve wasn't going to give him his arm back. 

Loving Steve was something, but it couldn't make Bucky whole. 

And Steve knew that. Sure, it took him a while to realize it – after Bucky left, he curled up into a ball crying into the mattress, just wishing that he could be what Bucky had needed. He just wished he could put those pieces of his lover and best friend back together. He was too heartbroken to understand what Bucky had said to him right before he walked away, and out of Steve's life forever. 

Or at least Steve had thought it would be forever. 

But Bucky had looked at him sadly with those flat, lifeless eyes and with a small shake of his head, left him with the parting words of, "I love you Steve, but I don't love myself. And you can't fix that. That's not on you, that's on me. If I can't fix myself, you'd never be happy and neither would I." With that, he had kissed Steve gently on the forehead, turned away from him and walked down the sidewalk away from Steve's building. 

It took Steve a lot of time and self reflection to understand what Bucky meant. At first he was hurt, and then angry, because how could Bucky just throw away the last year and a half and walk away?! How could Steve have meant so little to him that he could just leave? 

But, with hindsight, Steve understood. He had met Bucky right out of Afghanistan, and there were too many cracks that Steve couldn't see and couldn't fix. Bucky needed to heal and recover from what happened to him overseas (rather than just repress and ignore it, which had become his method of dealing). He had wanted to hate Bucky after that (and part of him maybe did initially?), but eventually he learned that he couldn't blame Bucky. 

All he ever wanted was for Bucky to be happy. 

And if Bucky needed to leave to work on himself? Well, Steve wouldn't have stopped him. No matter how much it hurt. 

It took Steve a moment to notice that a second man was walking away from the bar and towards him. The man was taller than Bucky, and maybe a couple inches taller than Steve, and pressed his left side against Bucky's right after he approached. 

He gave a half smile easily and gestured to the empty glass bottle in Bucky's gloved left hand (Steve hand't even noticed the bottle, having been so shocked to even see a left hand), "Hey James, you need another one?" 

"Oh. Yes please," Bucky looked down briefly, a light pink dusting his cheeks (and when had Steve ever seen Bucky blush?). He gestured to Steve, "Brock, this is Steve. He's an old friend. Steve, this is Brock." 

Steve nodded politely, not having even considered that Bucky would be with someone. His stomach felt even more upside down at this point (possibly right side up? As it had flip-flopped so much). The cavernous hole where his heart had been post breakup, seemed to pull at him once again. 

"Nice to meet you." Brock grinned at Steve. He pointed to Steve's empty hands. "Can I get you something to drink?" He shrugged easily, "Any friend of James, you know." 

"Uh, no," Steve stuttered a bit, "No thanks." 

"All right," Brock responded easily, "James, I'll go get you another drink. Meet you at the bar?" 

Bucky nodded and watched as Brock walked away. He turned back to Steve and shrugged sheepishly, "He seems all right, right? I don't know. We only went out once before, and that was a blind date so of course it was awkward. I don't know, he seems nice." 

"Yeah, Buck," Steve's voice was quiet, conflicted, "He seems all right." Not like Steve would know, having talked to the guy for all of two seconds. 

Bucky looked unsure for a moment. 

"Look, I should get-" Before Steve could finish his thought, Bucky interrupted him. 

"I got a dog!" 

Steve grinned in surprise, Bucky had always wanted a dog, had talked about it often. He had always said he couldn't take care of something else until he learned how to take care of himself again, but as soon as he was able, he'd get a dog. It was one of the few times that he seemed to picture himself moving forward in a positive way. Steve stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets, but couldn't turn down the wattage of his smile, "Wow, Buck, wow. That's great." 

Bucky returned his smile, seemingly unable to stop himself, "Yeah, yeah... Wait, no I didn't. I don't have a dog. I don't know why I said that." 

Confused, Steve raised an eyebrow. 

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, self consciously with his right hand, "I mean, my roommate has a dog. He lets me walk him though, and help take care of him." 

"Well, Bucky," Steve couldn't help but smile gently at Bucky's worried expression, "I think that's great." 

"James!" Brock called out to him, from the far end of the bar, holding up a bottle in invitation. 

Bucky nodded and turned back to Steve, "Well, it was really good to see you." He tongue ran over his bottom lip, "Really good." 

Steve nodded, "Sure was, Buck. I –uh – I'm happy for you." 

Steve started to turn away, but before he could get very far, he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder, pulling him backwards. Bucky was spinning his body back towards his direction and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. 

Instinctively, Steve's arms wrapped around Bucky's waist without a second thought. 

Steve's eyes closed tightly and his nose pressed against Bucky's neck. The large, solid weight of his body felt right, and his arms tightened around that strong middle. 

Despite the additional delectable bulk of his body, for a minute things felt the same as they did four years ago, during that glorious year and a half the two of them were together. Steve could remember love and promises and a sense of belonging. 

Bucky pulled away shortly after, and all Steve could think was that he missed that arm around his body. (Missed both arms?) 

"I'll see you around," his voice dropped softly, "Stevie." 

Steve watched Bucky walk back towards the bar, as he quickly rushed back to the doors of the place and got himself out of there. As Bucky turned from him, everything felt too warm and too stifling. He couldn't do this. 

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he noticed a text from Sam saying that he got held up at work and that they'd have to reschedule. (Thank goodness, because now Steve didn't have to deal with the guilt of cancelling on his friend.) 

Not feeling emotionally equipped enough to handle the forty five minute walk home, he flagged down a cab to take him home. The feeling of not being able to breathe had returned as soon as Bucky had walked away from him. 

_What the hell was he supposed to do?_

The cab pulled up to his apartment building and he somehow managed to stumble up the stairs and get his keys into the lock. 

"Hey Mr. Rodgers!" Kate greeted Steve as he walked in, having been sprawled out in the living room flipping through a magazine. 

Steve hung his jacket up on the hooks by the front door before turning around to the sixteen year old on his couch. "Hey Kate, how was he?" 

She started shoving some papers into a purple backpack as she stood up, "Peter was fine. Peggy stopped by to put him to bed." 

"Peggy?" He looked surprised, "She's not supposed to be back until late tomorrow." 

"Yup." She swung the backpack onto her shoulders while walking towards the front door, "She said she caught an earlier flight, and then asked if I minded is she put him down. I told her I don't mind her changing diapers while you're still paying me to do so." 

Kate laughed, and Steve tried to do so, giving her a wry smile. Burdening the teenage babysitter with his emotional turmoil seemed like a bad idea. He clasped a large hand on her shoulder as she walked past, "Thanks again." 

"No problem," she gave him a wave as she made her way out the apartment door, "I'll see you next week." 

Steve took a deep breath, still feeling mixed up and confused. Actually, he couldn't quite put a label on how he felt. Things had changed completely since Bucky had left him. 

He walked down the hallway and quietly cracked open the door to Peter's room. The toddler was sleepy soundly, curled up in his crib and sucking on his thumb. 

Whatever had happened with Bucky was in the past, and he knew that. Those feelings were in the past. He had a good job. He had Peter, the light of his life, and he was happy. 

That didn’t explain why he felt emotionally inside out from spending all of fifteen minutes with someone who was simply an ex-boyfriend. 

Now, he really needed that drink.


	2. I forget just why I left you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still un-beta'd. Mistakes are all my own.

Steve groaned as he heard the whining coming from the baby monitor on his night stand. 

He had got home last night and had grabbed a beer out of the fridge before slouching down at his kitchen table. He absently noted the post it stuck to the fridge with Peggy's delicate handwriting, before taking a long pull from the bottle in front of him. 

Hard liquor would probably have been preferred, but Steve wasn't upset enough to get tipsy while he had a sleeping toddler at home. That would be stupid. And, although he seemed to remember that decisions made under the influence of Bucky tended to be stupid, he knew that was a long time ago and wouldn't be happening again. 

He heard a few more grumpy noises before he rolled over to look at the clock on his nightstand. It was just after six, when he normally would've gotten out of bed, all bright-eyed and  bushy-tailed. 

He grabbed his phone, quickly tapped Peggy's name from his favorites and called her via FaceTime. 

Holding the phone away from his face, he angled it towards his face, currently half of it squished against the pillow. With only one eye visible, he squinted at the screen in the low light of the room. 

"Steve, good morning!" Peggy greeted him, chipper as always. Her voices was tinged with sleep, but he could see a towel wrapped around her hair, so at least he knew she was awake and showered. 

Not that it mattered, because all that mattered right now was him getting more sleep. 

He grunted in response, "Your son is awake." 

He heard a light laugh, "My son, is it?" Her English accent was laced with humor, before switching to concern. Peggy was known for being a morning person, but not nearly as much as Steve. "What's wrong, Steve? You're not getting sick, are you? Kate told me that's why you pulled Peter out of daycare. Something about the flu having taken out half the staff and staff's kids at the hospital?" 

"Yeah." He didn't bother opening his other eye, and he settled more comfortably into his pillow, "The majority of kids picked it up and I didn't want Pete around that. But no, I'm not sick. I just worked five 12-hours days and I'm exhausted. Besides, you were the one who let a note saying telling me to call you when he was awake." 

Steve had been happy to see that note, especially because he knew he'd probably need the extra sleep in the morning. And because he was also, y'know, emotionally compromised. But that wasn't any of her business. 

A shriek came from the monitor, and Peggy clearly overheard it. "Okay, okay, I'm on my way." 

Steve rolled back over and pressed his face into the mattress. 

It was no more than five minutes later when he heard the door to his apartment open and someone shuffle through it. Peggy had had a spare key to the place as long as he'd lived there. He also had a key to her place, an identical apartment, one floor above his. 

Steve's apartment was a comfortable size for a grown man and a small child. After walking through the entry way, the place opened up to a large kitchen on one side and a brightly lit living room on the other. Since the kitchen took up the bulk of the space, past it was a small hallway with three doors. One door led to the bathroom, and the other two led to Steve's and Peter's rooms respectively. Steve was lucky enough to have a second bathroom attached to his bedroom.  

Yes, Steve appreciated having his own bathroom, even if it was currently littered with plastic farm animals. Seeing as the hall bath only had a shower, and his had a bathtub, Peter's bath toys had taken permanent residence there. 

"There's my little man!" As Peggy's voice made its way through the monitor and started to pull him away from sleep, steve fumbled at the night stand with his eyes closed until he managed to hit the power button.  

He started to drift off again but didn't quite get there as he heard the door to his bedroom open. 

"Lets go see what your daddy is doing." Peggy cooed gently. 

"Daddy!" A small voice repeated easily. 

"Hey Petey," Steve grumbled quietly as Peggy placed the 2 year old on the bed. Peter immediately began crawling on top of his father's large frame, pressing a drooling face against the undershirt atop Steve's chest. 

He felt the mattress dip a bit as Peggy sat down next to him. 

"Peg," he was man enough to admit he was whining, "I'm trying to sleep." He then avoided rolling his eyes as Peter promptly stuck his fingers into Steve's nostril. He pulled the tiny wrist away from his face with one hand, but still managed to smile at the followed noise of baby giggles. 

"I was just checking on you," she pressed her hand against his forehead, "I don't think you've been sick since I've known you, but it happens to everyone. If it hasn't happened in three years, it's bound to happen now." 

"I'm fine, just tired is all." Steve pulled himself into a sitting position, wrapping an arm around the toddler in his lap. Steve tossed him in the air a bit before cuddling the boy to his massive chest. He cooed in the little boy's face and felt his insides get warm at the laugh he got in response. "Peter, you're being silly."

"Peter!" The little boy replied before sticking his finger in his own nose. 

This time Steve did roll his eyes, but couldn't seem to stop smiling. 

"Well, all right then. I guess we should be going." Peggy stood up. "Say bye to Daddy, buddy." 

"Bye bye!" Peter reached for Peggy as Steve held him up. 

"So, I've got him all this weekend. I can have him ready for daycare on Monday if you want to grab him before you head to the hospital? I'll be home for a few days though, so he could stay with me on Tuesday and Wednesday too." 

"Yeah, yeah," Steve nodded thoughtfully, "that's fine. I'm actually off until Wednesday, so I'll just keep him with me on Monday and drop him off with you early Tuesday." 

"I'll update the calendar. Hey, Angie and I are going to take him to the park after lunch today if you're interested." 

Steve settled back into his bed, "I'll let you know, I'm supposed to meet up with Sam." 

"Alright," she stood up, toddler resting on her hip, "Give him my love." 

"Always do." Steve smiled. 

"Kisses!!" Peggy was interrupted by a small voice before she could even take a step away from the bed. 

"I know," she assured Peter with a fond look, "I didn't forget." 

Peggy leaned closer to the bed, and Steve leaned towards her body. At the same time, they pressed identical kisses to either side of their son's cheeks and he howled with delight. 

"Be a good boy," Steve ruffled the light brown hair of the boy to his right before pressing a kiss to his head, "I'll see you in couple days, Buddy." 

As Peggy turned to leave, she blew Steve a kiss as well and laughed when his response was to make a kissing face towards his pillow. 

"Steve," she tossed a wink at him, "if that's all the action you've been getting, then you need to get laid." 

"Peg!" He was horrified, "Not in front of Peter!" 

He heard the laugh follow her down the hallway, ending with the sound of a door being shut and locked. 

Steve and Peggy had an interesting relationship, but he thought they did a pretty good job co-parenting the world's cutest child, all things considered. 

After Bucky had left him, he'd been crushed. Heartbroken was a poetic word for feeling so empty and broken inside. 

In retrospect, he's shocked that Sam was able to get him to go out at all, but six months post-Bucky, Sam called him up and told him to go out. Meet someone. See what could happen. 

And something did happen. He'd met Peggy, in a bar, wearing the most stunning red dress he'd ever seen. 

Hindsight being what it was, he now knew that he was rebounding from Bucky, but at the time, he didn't stop to think about it. 

Steve would've described himself as having a healthy sexual appetite, but even he was surprised at how quickly he'd jumped into bed with Peggy. It had taken him just short of two hours and two beers.  

And, while he was in bed with her, he noticed the large, empty cavernous feeling in his chest seemed to disappear briefly. 

So, no, he wasn't over Bucky. But at least he had found a way to stop thinking about him or crying over him, for however long he and Peggy were together. 

Their relationship, if you could call it that, didn't even last that long. They burned hot like a flame, but it quickly burnt out. They spent six months together, Steve trying to chase away the ghosts of the man he'd been in love with. 

The relationship between them ended when Peggy sat him down and told him that Angie, who'd she had been dating on and off since college, finally wanted to commit and make things exclusive. 

Steve had wondered why he hadn't been more upset. Seeing as Bucky's absence felt like a near constant stabbing pain in his side, he had assumed that Peggy's would feel the same. It had been six months of more sex than he'd had in his life, but they never said they'd stop seeing their people. They never took any steps forward in their relationship. Hell, Steve knew that Peggy had been dating Angie the whole time she'd been dating Steve and it had never bothered him then. 

When he got his head on straight and realized he'd only been using Peggy to avoid thinking about Bucky, he'd felt guilty about it as first but Sam told him to let that feeling go. He and Peggy had been all but infatuated with each other's bodies for six months, but they never promised each other more than that. 

(With a healthy dose of perspective, Steve was able to acknowledge that while now, he may love Peggy, he's never been in love with her and the two things are uniquely different.) 

Peggy had been honest with him. She'd loved Angie for years, but Angie had never been ready to commit. As soon as she'd said the words, Peggy was ready and broke it off with Steve, despite the fact the two of them had just been together the night before. She suggested that she and Steve be friends, and he was more than open to the idea.

Angie and Peggy eloped a week later. Surprising himself, more than anyone else, Steve was happy for Peggy. There hadn't been a trace of jealousy or anger, he just appreciated that two people in love could have a happy ending together. 

Of course, no one expected Peggy to find a bright pink plus sign on the stick she had peed on, just two weeks later. 

Steve's eyes had been as wide as dinner plates. He knew how it worked - he was a nurse for goodness sake! - and to this day, he's never done it with anyone, ever, without a rubber, but there was a very small chance and he supposed they were just the lucky ones. 

That's when things were difficult. Peggy had suggested they be friends, but Steve realized it was hard to be friends with someone you knew absolutely nothing about. Turns out the six months they spent together was little more than sex; he barely knew her. 

Luckily, she ended up being one of the best people he knew. 

What followed in the next few weeks, were many deep and difficult conversations. 

Peggy had been honest with him from the get-go, telling him that she wasn't she if she was ready to be a parent. She didn't know if she wanted kids at all. 

Steve told her he understood if she didn't. That was followed by an even more difficult conversation, of Steve wanting the baby more than anything, of Steve having to navigate the uncomfortable gray area of asking Peggy to give up her body for nine months so that he could have this baby. He offered to take full custody, to be completely responsible for the future child, if she was willing. 

No one was surprised that Steve wanted kids. You didn't even have to ask him about it, he was a massive bulk of a man who'd be waving at the toddlers in the grocery store aisles. He worked in pediatrics, and went into that on purpose so that he could help kids. Him wanting a child was obvious, he just hadn't known how or when it would ever happen. 

Of course, after months of learning about each other and tough conversations, Steve and Peggy had become closer than ever. They'd become good friends, and decided to try co-parenting. 

Working for the government didn't really give Peggy a life conducive to children. Near the end of her pregnancy, her department had been transferred from their D.C. office to one in New York. When she told Steve about it, he immediately decided to move too. They'd agreed to do this together and he wasn't going to be states away from his future child. 

(And in an unprecedented move of best-friendship, Sam had transferred out to New York a few months after Steve. _"I'm not letting my godson go though life with only you as his male role model, Rogers. For goodness sake."_ ) 

He found a job at a NY hospital, and found an apartment close by. He and Peggy moved into the same building, only a floor apart, so that they could easily both be close to Peter. Peggy traveled most of the time for work, conducting foreign policy all over the world, and her schedule was sporadic and unpredictable.  

Luckily, Steve's work schedule was the complete opposite. Peter stayed with him whenever Peggy was out of town, and stayed with Peggy on the dates she was back. If they were both home for extended amounts of time, they spilt the week in half and got equal time with the little boy. He went to work with Steve most days, as the daycare at the hospital was great. 

It was unconventional, but it worked for the two of them. And they both loved Peter more than anything else. 

And Steve easily maintained that Peter was the best thing that ever happened to it. Looking back, it was strange how things worked out, but he supposed it was for the best. 

It had taken a while, but Steve finally felt like he had it all. He loved his job, his son, his friends. He probably had more than other 30 year olds did. 

(Not that Sam agreed. As Sam pointed out, he and Peggy both parented Peter, so there was no reason that Steve shouldn't be dating, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He needed to be focused on his son.) 

He'd been with Bucky for a year and a half, alone for half a year, and then with Peggy for the half of year after that. Of course, nine months and one move to New York later, he hadn't been with anyone else, but he had a newborn. He'd been to busy for that. 

Two years later, he had a toddler, and that was all he needed. 

Right? 

Steve set his alarm for 8:00am and rolled over, proceeding to give himself an extra two hours of sleep. 

…..... 

Waking up and feeling more refreshed than he had in the last week, Steve allowed himself to take a long, hot shower.  

Knowing that Peter was safely with his mother, Steve let indulge himself in thoughts of the previous evening. Having been caught off guard, he hadn't had a chance to catalogue the myriad of feelings Bucky stirred up within him. 

And wasn't that the kicker? Because there shouldn't be any current emotions attached to him. 

Okay. Steve took a deep breath and started to think through it. 

Excitement. He hadn't seen Bucky in years. It was only natural to be excited to see him. 

Happiness. Because Bucky looked happy, and wasn't that wonderful? 

Shock. Because _what the fuck_. 

Fear. Because **_What. The. Fuck._**  

Lust. That much was obvious. Bucky had always been able to make his skin feel hot with just a look. The man was gorgeous. And that body? Steve shivered, he'd always been attracted to beefy guys, and Bucky was wearing that new bulk real well. 

As he thought about the last part, his body began to respond and he quickly tried to shut that down. 

Jerking off while thinking about Bucky would be  wrong, Steve reminded himself. It was different than when did he it in the past because they weren't together.  

He's so much better now than he was, Steve thought. He looked so warm and happy. 

Much better than he ever had when he was with Steve. 

And then it was easy to let sexy thoughts go as his turned more maudlin. 

Why hadn't he been able to make Bucky happy? 

He shook his head, feeling foolish. That line of thinking wasn't good for anyone and he promised Sam three years ago that he'd abandoned thinking like that. 

He should've asked Bucky for his number, just for them to catch up. That wouldn't have been too forward, right? He said they'd been old friends, and that's something friends would do. 

Not that they'd ever exactly been friends before they were dating, but that guy - Brock, was it? - didn't have to know that. 

It struck Steve all the sudden how he wanted to know everything that had happened to Bucky in the last four years.  

Friends would want to know that, right? Friends are curious. That would be a normal thing to ask. 

It's not like he had ever expected to see Bucky again. Steve had an Instagram account where he posted photos (mostly of Peter) and Sam commented them, but it was a private account. He didn't have any other social media accounts, but he'd logged into Sam's Facebook account to look for Bucky and wasn't able to find him a handful of times over the last few years. Apparently his ex boyfriend had been as wearily of social media as himself. 

Having looked for Bucky in the past just proved that he had been curious about him, it wasn't just a new feeling. That was reason enough to want to know more about him, right? 

Steve spent the rest of his day doing errands: laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning. He does his best to avoid thinking about Bucky, because that wouldn't be productive. 

His relaxing day ends early when Sharon calls him, asking if he can cover the last four hours of her shift. She's knows its last minute and she feels bad, but she also just puked in the trash can at the nurse's station and she's pretty sure she's got the flu. 

As much as Steve didn't want to go back to the hospital for a few days, he can't say no to his friend, and it's only from 6:00 to 10:00pm. 

Steve sighs distractedly as he carries the stack of charts back to the nurse's station. Though he's used to working in pediatrics, covering Sharon's job in the ER isn't too bad. The ER is notoriously unpredictable, but it's been fairy slow. 

He steps out in the waiting room to call the next patient back, when he experiences the same world-shifting feeling he'd felt the previous night. 

"Bucky?" He looks incredulously as the figure slouching in one of the hard plastic chairs. He stomach does that uncomfortable flip-flopping thing he'd first felt at the bar. 

"Steve?" His eyes immediately look up as he sits up a bit straighter, "What are you doing here?" 

"I work here. What about you? Are you okay?" Steve can't keep the worry out of his voice as he approaches where Bucky had been sitting. He looks him up and down, trying to avoid his heart skipping a beat, and looks for some kind of visible injury. 

"What?" He looks confused as he stands to meet Steve, "Oh yeah, I'm fine. My room mate broke his nose. I'm just his ride." 

Steve feels relived, and then wonders why he feels that relief. It's because they're old friends. That what Bucky told his date. That's enough of a reason as any. And it's because he's a decent person, he's a nurse. Of course he wouldn't want anyone to be injured. That would be ridiculous.  

As he opens his mouth to ask more about Bucky's roommate, Steve is cut off by Scott, another nurse he works with approaching them. Scott's a good guy, and Steve enjoys when their shifts line up. 

Bucky looks up in the direction towards the stranger as he approaches them. 

Before he could say anything else, Scott smiles easily and holds out Steve's phone. "Steve, you left it at the counter, so of course I answered it. It's Peter." 

Most of the other nurses and doctors Steve works with have met Peter. They've all seen Steve drop him off at daycare, and he's also sure that Pete is the cutest kid in the place. Turns out, Peter doesn't have a shy bone in his body and has made sure to smile and wave at all the staff when he and Steve come and go. Needless to say, all of Steve's coworkers are  enamored with the little boy. 

He'd texted Peggy earlier that evening to let her know where to find him. Steve glanced at the overhead clock to see it's almost 7:30, which means his son would be calling to say good night (which he always does on nights he stays with his mom.) 

Steve smiles automatically in response and takes the phone, as Scott continues on his rounds with a cheeky grin.  

Taking two steps in the opposite direction, Steve holds up a finger to Bucky to indicate "one minute" and Bucky nods easily. 

"Peter," He coos sweetly, his smile growing wider on his face, "Hey sweetheart." 

Steve listens to the small voice on the other end babble for a few minutes and respond with a loud, "Daddy!" 

"All right, we're saying good night now," He hears Peggy's voice, "Good night, Steve." 

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Steve ends the call, and turns back to where Bucky was waiting for him... Except he's no longer there. 

Confused, Steve looks around the waiting room, but can't seem to find his ex-boyfriend anywhere. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, at least now we know what Steve has been up to over the last couple years.
> 
> Comments are my favorite. Keep them coming :).


	3. Moved to the City in a Broke-down Car

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Optional chapter title: Sam Wilson is everyone's Favorite
> 
> Chapter titles all come from Chainsmoker's Closer.
> 
> Also, I changed the number of chapters. Not sure if it'll be 5 or 6 or 7?

Steve Rogers was perfect. Everything about him was perfect. He had perfect blonde hair, just long enough that he could brush it to the side and you could run your fingers through it. He had a perfect beard that was a warm honey color, and covered his chin and followed up the sides of his face, and around his lips. He had perfect glasses that were thick black plastic across the top, and slightly thinner plastic under the lenses. The frame didn’t hinder his eyes from looking any less perfectly blue.

He had a stupid perfect face.

Bucky sighed heavily as he pulled himself out of bed. It figures that Steve and Steve’s stupid face would be the first thing he thought of in the morning.

He hadn’t see Steve in what, years? Yes, years. He’d thought about Steve many, many times over the last few years, but it had apparently been long enough that his memories didn’t quite do the man justice.

Because hot damn did Steve Rogers look good.

Having the privilege of being in a relationship with him in the past, Bucky knew that Steve was more than just a delectable slab of beefcake, but it’s almost like Bucky forgot what that perfect body looked like in real life.

When he agreed to go on a second date with Brock, he never expected to run into Steve Rogers of all people. Time seemed to slow as he approached him in that bar a couple nights ago. He had looked so good, the navy sweater bringing out the blue in his eyes and his leather jacket fitting smoothly across those broad shoulders.

Bucky didn’t even know what to say to him; all he knew was that he couldn’t stop smiling. His chest immediately warmed and he fought the urge to wrap his body around Steve’s like a blanket.

The last time he saw Steve, Bucky was nearly falling apart. He hadn’t told Steve, but the scrambled mess that was his brain had been getting so much worse. His uncontrolled PTSD was getting out of hand, leading everything in his sight into tunnel vision and he’d disassociated so much that he hadn’t realized he lost a full three days, curled up in a corner of his closet, underneath all his long sleeve shirts. Things were not good.

He’d been half-heartedly trying to get help for a while, but he finally realized that he needed to try harder, or actually make an effort. He’d ‘come to’ to see a number of texts and voicemails from Steve, all displaying various levels of concern. Most people would be mad that their boyfriend blew them off for a work party, Steve didn’t get upset, just worried; worried that he hadn’t heard from Bucky in a few days, concerned if he was all right.

Bucky realized he needed to get help when he finally realized that maybe he was taking Steve down with him. Bucky may have been selfish, but she wasn’t selfish enough to let his issues destroy the kindest and most caring man he’d ever known.

So he left. He went half way around the world and ended up in Bucharest for four years, mediating and doing a shit ton of therapy.

He hadn’t planned on moving to New York, but he came back to his hole-in-the-wall apartment one day to find his best friend, a tiny yet terrifying woman named Natasha, sitting at the small kitchen table. The two had served together, Special Forces in the US Army, before Bucky had been discharged. Their communication had been spotty, as most things in her life were classified, but he loved her fiercely and owed her his life many times over.

He gave her a tight one armed hug, as she proceeded to tell him that Tony Stark (apparently a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend), genius billionaire, was expanding his tech empire to include prosthetics, and she got Bucky into a medical trial for them. 

He’d given her a hard skeptical look, having adjusted to life with a missing limb, but she rolled her eyes and passed him a folded piece of paper. He was moving to New York, and this is where he’d be living. He’d have a roommate, but – and she blushed as she told him – Clint was a wonderful guy and Bucky was lucky for a chance live with him.

Having never been able to say no to Natasha in his life, he’d agreed and he’d spent the rest of her visit feeling lighter than he had in years.

And the last person he expected to see in New York? Steve fuckin’ perfect Rogers.

Bucky had missed him so much over the years that it felt like a physical ache in his chest. He never thought he’d ever see him again.

And that beard?! God, that beard. Bucky could only imagine what it would feel like rubbing against his skin.

Shuffling to the bathroom, Bucky looked at the reflection looking back at him. He had a pair of flannel pants slung low on his hips, but his shirt was absent. There was a small, white gauze-like sleeve covering the few inches of bicep he had, up to his shoulder on his left side. There were small metal circle shaped response pads attached to his stump with medical adhesive and the sleeve helped hold them in place.

The metal response pads lined up with the inside of his prosthetics, and his muscle movement triggered the pads that then moved the limb, all at the speed of thought. It was frankly amazing, and Tony had explained it to him a few times (but most went over his head). He was currently going through physical therapy to make sure his stump could support the metal arm, but the next step was to actually insert the metal pads under his skin, for a seamless connection to the prosthetic.

Bucky gladly looked forward to being a robot if it meant he got to have an arm again.

Steve seemed impressed by it. Well, Steve looked shocked, his eyes all wide and surprised, and it did a funny thing to the feeling in Bucky’s chest. Steve had never made him feel like any less without an arm, and never looked at him as anything less than completely desirable when they took their clothes off. The way Steve used to look at him was addictive and Bucky almost hadn’t been able to walk away from it.

But Bucky had his life together now. He had an arm, his brain was no longer scrambled, he was still in therapy but only twice a month as opposed to twice a week, and he looked good. He found that going to the gym helped him for a number a reasons: the physical workouts helped him adjust to having one arm, and it gave him a sense of routine. He’d put on weight and he knew the muscles sat well on his frame.

He’d never be as large as Steve Rogers, who had a perfect body, but he knew he looked good. That’s probably why he accepted the blind date with Brock Whoever. He was feeling confident, was feeling good, and hadn’t realized that Steve even lived in the same New York he did.

He’d given Steve a hug, and that was supposed to be it, but he happened to run into Steve in the hospital of all places.

Of course he knew Steve was a nurse, the man had a constant need to care for people, but in DC he had worked at a small local clinic. He had expected to see him in those awful pastel purple scrubs.

Bucky wanted to talk to him, to fill in all the blanks from the last for years. He even managed to give Steve an easy smile and not blurt out something embarrassing like “did you miss me?” or “Have you thought about me at all in the last four years?” or “come home with me.”

Of course, then he remembered that Perfect Steve was Perfect.

His coworker had passed him a phone and Steve had answered it without a thought. His voice was gentle and warm and his face held a smile Bucky had never seen.

It had been years since they dated, but he was with Steve for well over a year, and he knew that Steve didn’t use pet names. The guy was totally uncomfortable with them in everyday conversation. He’d use them in bed, his voice dipping low as he breathlessly encouraged Bucky with a chorus of “yeah, baby” and “right there, honey”, but he’d never dropped the endearments in public. He was bashful by nature, and Bucky could see that it was too much for him. It had never bothered Bucky.

Well not until he watched as Steve was cooing “sweetheart” over the phone life his life depending on it.

It was a little disgusting.

But Perfect Steve was Perfect, and Bucky was a complete idiot if he didn’t stop to think that Steve had a boyfriend or girlfriend at home. Bucky had never thought twice about Steve’s sexual orientation before, but he just realized that as a bisexual, Steve could had twice as many people waiting home for him.

He probably had the perfect partner, whoever this jerk was. What kind of name was Peter anyway? He sounded boring. He probably didn’t have hobbies. His job was probably something boring too, like an accountant. But, since he’d be perfect for Steve, he was probably an accountant for non profit organizations. He probably helped people as much as Steve did. He probably wore button down shirts and had expensive glasses.

His favorite food was probably something dumb like butternut squash soup, and he probably even ate soup in the summer, despite the weather being too hot for it.

Bucky hated this guy.

Bucky had let Steve go four years ago, which he didn’t regret. It was a necessity, and Bucky had to be a real person again before he could be in a relationship.

But he never thought there was a chance Steve could be in his life again.

And he never thought of Steven with someone else.

 

* * *

 

“This is some serendipity level bullshit.”

Steve looked up from his cheeseburger to the man sitting across from him at the small table, currently assessing him with a flat look. Sam’s left eyebrow titled upward in a way that Steve could only assume was vaguely accusatory.

Steve was trying to think of something to respond with, but after making eye contact, he figured the safer course of action was to pick up his burger and take a disgustingly large bite.

“Mmmph,” he answered eloquently with his mouth full.

“Steve. You kidding me right now?” Sam’s eyes rolled upwards as if he would have found some kind of patience above him.

Steve swallowed, a bit uncomfortably with the amount of food stuffed in his face, “What are you talking about, Sam?”

“Steve,” Another deep breath, “You haven’t seen this guy in four years, and now you’re telling me that a week ago, you managed to run into him two times in two days?”

Steve nodded, only vaguely embarrassed that it took him four days to be able to say the words to Sam. The first time he attempted to do so, during their weekly pick up game of basketball, he got sweaty and tongue-tied and Sam managed to beat him, which was completely unacceptable.

“And you what?” He made a vague gesture with his hand in the air, “Didn’t think to say anything like ‘hey buddy, let’s catch up?’ Because that was what, too hard?”

He shrugged in response, possibly staring a little too intently at his burger before looking back up to Sam. “The second time, I didn’t get a chance. Like I told you, I looked up and he was gone. The first time, I don’t know. He hugged me goodbye and it felt final or something. I didn’t expect to see him again.”

“Really?” Sam’s tone said more than his words actually did.

“What do you care,” Steve scowled, feeling needlessly defensive, “You never liked Bucky anyway.”

“I never said that,” Sam scoffed and his eyebrow did that titling thing again. “Did I ever say that?”

As the server of their favorite diner approached with two full glasses of coke, Sam directed his question towards her since Steve didn’t seem keen on answering, “When did I ever say that?”

The server shrugged before walking off, clearly not interested in getting into the middle of whatever this one.

“I don’t know. Before we broke up,” Steve responded mulishly. Petulantly. “After we broke up.”

“Steve,” Sam signed a bit heavily, “You two were together for something short of two years. On the off chance you don’t remember how many hours he and I clocked playing Mario Kart together, I liked the guy.”

“Yeah, well...” He trailed off, not having a response ready for that.

“What I did say,” Sam fixed Steve with a pointed look before leaning across the table to grab an onion ring of Steve’s plate, “Was that I didn’t like the two of you rushing into a relationship that either of you guys might not have been ready for. I cared about Bucky a lot back then, you know that, and I cared - care- about you too! You forget that I know what it’s like to come back stateside feeling like a shell of who you used to be.”

Steve looked apologetic, but Sam waved him off and continued before Steve could interrupt. 

“I was just worried about Bucky. I know how hard it is to try and connect with another person when you can barley connect with yourself. Now, I was never his counselor - for obvious reasons - but he did come to my group meetings. And, Steve, I can say this without betraying confidence since everyone knew it, but Bucky needed help. More help than you could give him. He knew it too, he just wasn’t ready. I never said I didn’t like Bucky, but I didn’t like the place he was in. It was nothing personal to him, I’ve been there and it’s awful.” 

Steve exhaled slowly, “Yeah, I know. I know that, Sam. I’m sorry.”

Despite the fact Steve had nothing to apologize for, Sam figured as long as he thought he did, then he could get away with taking another onion ring.

“Which,” he paused for a moment, and then leaned back over to dip the onion ring into the ketchup on Steve’s plate, “brings me back to where we started. Serendipity shit. For real.”

Steve narrowed his eyes at Sam, and unrepentantly took nearly half the French fires off of his plate and deposited them onto his own.

After a moment, he grabbed the small bowl of ranch dressing Sam had been dipping his fries into, and placed it next to his plate too (Simply out of spite - Steve dipped his fries into ketchup like a normal person). 

Sam shot Steve a look, but pushed forward regardless, “Serendipity. You loved Bucky when he wasn’t quite ready for it. And now - you said he looked good, right?” 

“Really good, better than I’ve ever seen him.”

“So now, maybe he’s ready.” There goes another onion ring, “You’ve seen him twice, looking like the guy you loved, but could actually be ready for a productive, mature relationship and you see him twice in two days.”

Steve groaned.

“States away, I might add,” His eyebrow quirked again, “From where you both started. You’re both living in New York, apparently. And seeing as he’s was at my favorite bar and your hospital, I’m guessing he relocated somewhere near your neighborhood.”

Steve didn’t even want the fries, but he shoved a bunch of them into his mouth so that Sam couldn’t take them back.

“Seriously, Steve?” Sam rolled his eyes, “Just answer one question for me.”

“Fine,” he grumped in reply.

“How do you feel when you look at Bucky?”

Despite the knee-jerk reaction to give Sam a snarky answer, Steve took a moment to really think about it. Because, how did he feel? The night at the bar had nearly thrown him upside down, and then he decided not thinking about it would be the best course of action due to everything it seemed to be stirring up inside him. The last place he expected to see him was the hospital the next evening, and honestly? Steve wanted to drop into the horribly uncomfortable plastic chair next to where he’d been sitting and just bask in the presence of the other man. It’s like breathing the same air as Bucky was a gift that he didn’t want to give up.

“Like I want to tear his clothes off and throw up at the same time.” Steve answered honestly.

“All right. All right.” Sam’s head was thrown back in loud laughter that he couldn’t seem to stop. “Well, at least I know you’re being honest. But I wouldn’t recommended doing both of those things when you’re around Barnes. 

“What makes you think I’m going to see him again?” Steve rolled his eyes.

“Serendipity.” Sam took the last onion ring. And then took his ranch back too.

“Sam,” Steve sighed, because even if he did see Bucky again, he didn’t know what would happen, “We dated years ago. He’s not the same guy anymore. Hell, I know I’m not the same guy anymore. My life is awfully different from what it was back then.” 

Sam smiled gently, “Steve, I’m sure that’s true. And if you weren’t interested, I’d let it go. But c’mon on, be honest with yourself. After Bucky, you rebounded to Peggy, and you weren’t emotionally ready for someone new – probably why it was just a physical thing - which was totally fine. Totally fine three years ago. But you’ve had no interest in getting set up or going out with anyone. You’re a great dad, I’m not fighting that, but you use Peter as an excuse not to get close to anyone.”

Steve looked skeptical, so Sam pushed a bit further. 

“Be honest with me, when was the last time you even went on a date?”

 When Steve opened his eyes to answer, Sam shot him a look, “And I’m referring to something that was more than just sex. When was the last time you went out and spent quality time with someone that wasn’t me, your kid, his baby’s mama, or his baby mama’s wife?”

“Peter needs me,” he responded stubbornly.

“I’m sure he does, but he has two parents. And Pete is with Peggy enough that you have plenty of time for dating. Sure, you were broken hearted all those years ago, but you’ve grown up and you shouldn’t be scared to get close to people. If you would have let fear hold you back, you never would’ve met Peggy and had Pete, which we know is probably the greatest thing you’ve done. I know Bucky hurt you, but we’ve had that talk enough times that we both know that breaking up was the right choice - that relationship was turning into something destructive for both of you.”

Steve looked thoughtful, so Sam continued.

“Maybe you never got over him leaving,” He shrugged, “But I know how much you loved him, and now he could be back in your life. Maybe he’s not what you want or what you need, but there’s no way to know without talking him. And besides, clearly you still want to sleep with him so you could at least do that.”

“Sam!” Steve looked affronted, but Sam was unaffected.

“What?” He grinned, “Peggy says you need to get laid and I believe her. You could probably sleep with Barnes without freaking out too. Well, maybe.”

“Sam,” Steve bit his lower lip, and looked tentative, “He was with someone.”

Sam shrugged it off, “And he made a point of telling you it was only their second date. And the first one was a blind date. That’s not enough to know someone very well. I highly doubt that Barnes has gone out and found himself a boyfriend in the last four days.”

“Maybe...” Steve paused, as if he wasn’t sure about what he was going to say, “Maybe you’re right.”

“Of course I am!” Sam grinned triumphantly.

“Now,” Sam waved the waiter down to get another refill, “Enough about your boring love life.”

“Boring??”

Sam was still grinning, “Hey, don’t get upset. I shouldn’t have said that. This is literally the one time in years that it hasn’t been boring. Anyway, as I was saying… Enough about your boring love life. How’s my boy doing?”

The subject change released some of the twisting feeling in Steve stomach, “Well, I can proudly say that Peter has entered a disgusting stage of sticking fingers in everyone’s noses.”

With that, Sam was laughing all over again.


	4. No, I can't Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait - holidays kept me busy :)

By now, Steve should’ve just accepted that Sam Wilson is right about everything. I mean, just because he accepts it doesn’t mean he has to tell Sam this (because it would make Sam insufferable, that's for sure). 

Despite the uncertainty of running into Bucky again, Sam seemed to be sure that it would happen. (And if Steve even felt a little guilty about hoping Bucky’s roommate would continuously break his nose so that Steve would run into Bucky again at work, then no one had to know). 

As it happened, Steve happily enjoyed a few days off work, his schedule finally balancing back towards normal as most of his coworkers got over the flu, and spent his time with his son and hanging out with Sam. 

With Peggy preparing to go out of the country for a few weeks, she was spending the day with Peter, and Steve spent a large chunk of the day cleaning up the tornado that was once his apartment. Plastic pieces of toys had been littered all over the place, and Steve took the time to painstakingly place every toy back in Peter’s room before giving his place a through vacuuming and mopping. 

Feeling satisfied, but noticing that he seemed to be letting the day get away from him, Steve changed into his running shoes and workout clothes. His gym was only three or so miles from his apartment, and he liked to warm up by lightly jogging over there. He stuffed a change of clothes into his gym bag and spent the next two hours working out. 

After his workout and showering and changing into a pair of jeans and tight t-shirt, he started the leisurely walk back to his apartment. 

As Steve glanced across the street to see a familiar man bun, Steve realized that he should just accept that Sam was always right. 

Steve took a moment to observe Bucky, and felt that uncomfortable fluttering in his chest. Bucky had a leather jacket over his shoulders, left arm tightly rolled up and pinned like Steve remembered. He looked casual, in a pair of dark sweatpants, but had a bright green leash hanging from his right arm, which explained the happy looking yellow lab at his side. 

Steve inhaled deeply, and felt the tension ease out of his body. Bucky looked happy, light. Untroubled. He felt a vague pain of something similar to nostalgia in his chest, but not sure why, as he had always wished that Bucky would look like that. 

Maybe Sam was right. Maybe Bucky was what he wanted, and maybe it could be for real this time. (Steve ignored the voice in his head that told him he’d just accepted that Sam was always right. Because Steve wasn’t quite able to accept this yet). 

Steve took another deep breath, but couldn’t take his eyes away from Bucky. It would be ridiculous to let Bucky figuratively and literally walk away, right? 

It didn’t have to mean anything. Steve could just wave at him and move on. It didn’t have to be more than that. Steve could just let him keep walking and then he could go on with his life, and that would be okay. 

But how many times had he thought about what would happen if he saw Bucky again? Both before that night at the bar, and after the night at the hospital? Probably a lot. 

It wasn’t his fault, he had just convinced himself that he got over Buck years ago and didn’t entertain the idea that that may have not been quite true until recently. It’s not like he was pining or anything, he had just kept himself busy. And he put Pete before anyone he was interested in romantically, so that left him with little time for dating. 

That isn’t to say that he didn’t find time to take men or women home (or more accurately went home with them), but he was clear about his intentions. He wasn’t looking for someone to date, wasn’t looking for any kind of commitment. He was more than open to a mutually satisfying evening, but it wasn’t going to progress further than that. Naturally, the women he picked up at clubs usually responded by laughing lightly and telling them that they felt the say way, and weren’t looking for a proposal from the beefy guy they picked up at a bar. 

Men were more difficult for him. It was easy to sleep with a woman and expect nothing more than that. It’s why he would find himself with women, more often than not. He hadn’t given it a lot of thought, and was purposely trying not to over-think it, but apparently Sam had (and being Sam, obviously he had chimed in with his thoughts). Part of him assumed it’s because he knew his son already had a mom. Well, had two mom for all intents and purposes. He never looked at a woman he’d been with and thought that maybe they could have something, maybe he’d introduce her to his son, and maybe she’d become a more prominent position in his life. 

Men, though? Steve never said as much, but he knew his mind got away from himself sometimes. He knew that one night he’d spent with Bruce, whom he’d met at his gym, he had a brief moment of what’d it be like for Peter to have two dads. It wasn’t Bruce he’d pictured himself with necessarily, just another faceless brunette. But he wondered what it’d be like to have a man in his life long-term. To wake up in bed with someone every day. To be greeted by someone he cared about when he woke up in the morning, to help him get Peter out of bed, to be a family. 

Steve gave his head a quick shake, he was being ridiculous and starting to get a little maudlin. He didn’t need anyone right now. He had Sam and Peggy, and Peter. There was nothing to be down about. 

Sure, being convinced that you’ll never find someone to spend your life with could be a fairly annoying thought, but he didn’t need anyone to make him happy. He was happy. 

Still... 

Still though, he had liked being in love. He liked the feeling he used to get in his chest when he’d visit Bucky during his lunch break. Or the feeling he’d got that one time Bucky had snuck into the break room at the clinic he'd worked at in DC and filled Steve’s locker with pictures of the two of them. 

He had liked the way Bucky had looked at him. And he liked the sex. Damn, he liked the sex. Looking back, he knew that wasn’t the most important part of their relationship, but he knew how much he missed it. 

Come to think of it, he’d liked the way Bucky had looked at him the bar the other night, too. That easy smile, couple with surprise and warmth in his eyes. It made Steve’s breath catch. 

He watched the man across the street as he started to turn the corner. 

Mentally admonishing himself for being the worst, Steve shook off the feeling, and cupped his hands around his mouth to make his voice carry. 

“Buck!” He jogged across the street as the walk signal started to flash, worried he’d miss his chance, “Hey, Buck!” 

Bucky’s head snapped up and he looked towards the direction of Steve’s voice. As soon as he saw Steve approaching him, he gave him a wide smile. 

“Steve,” He was clearly surprised, but that smile let Steve know that it wasn’t an unwelcome one, “What are you doing here?” 

“Uh, my gym,” Steve vaguely gestured behind him, “Is back that way. I was just heading home. What are you up to?” 

_That’s it_ , he mentally told himself, _just go for it._

“Lucky and I,” Bucky gestured to the dog happily wagging his tail, “Are just going to pick up the pizza we ordered.” 

Steve held out a hand, and after Lucky sniffed at it, he took the opportunity to affectionately pat the dog on the head. 

_Just do it._

It’s not like Steve didn’t know how to flirt; it’s just that looking at the gorgeous man in front of him, with those beautiful blue gray eyes that were crinkling as he smiled, made him feel sorely out of practice. 

“Are you telling me that,” Steve lifted his eyebrow playfully, or at least he thought was playfully, “you have a pizza date with a dog?” 

Luckily, Bucky didn’t seem to pick up on the awkwardness that Steve was feeling. If anything, Bucky seemed to enjoy his teasing. 

Of course, Steve had a moment of panic when he realized that Bucky could easily be picking up a pizza for someone else. That Brock guy could be waiting for Bucky to show up back at his place with something for them to eat. Or another man. Or anyone. Hell, Bucky had a roommate. It could be anyone and now Steve made a total idiot of himself by making assumptions. His eyes widened as he realized what a stupid thing that was to say. He was about to follow up his joke with an immediate apology, but stopped when Bucky’s grin just seemed to grow. 

Bucky chuckled in response, a soft honey coated sound that made Steve’s knees a little weak. 

“You caught me,” He lifted his arm and gave Steve a little punch in the shoulder, “Out for a hot date with the hot blonde to my right.” 

“Well,” Steve’s mouth quirked up on the far end to make a smirk as he crouched down to pet Lucky more thoroughly. Lucky was very happy with this idea, “I guess he is pretty cute.” 

Bucky must have thought this was hilarious, because his head tossed back and he let out a full body laugh that made Steve’s chest tighten momentarily. He hadn’t heard that laugh in years and something about it, besides just catching him off guard, make his insides liquify like the honey it sounded like. He was thankful he was already crouched down, because he wasn’t sure if his knees would’ve held him up at that point. 

Christ, he had it bad. 

He took back everything he ever said about being over Bucky, because this was absurd. 

He’d seen the guy - what like a total of 20 minutes ?- over the last week and a half. And now he was ready to trip over himself and melt at the mere notion of that warm, beautiful laughter? 

Clearly, he didn’t do a good job of getting over him. Bucky was much more than just some ex-boyfriend, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Sam's was whispering in Steve’s head. 

Even more than Peggy. Peggy was arguably the second most serious relationship Steve had had, if you counted Bucky as the first. If Steve was honest with himself, he knew that his and Peggy’s relationship wasn't even serious until post-breakup. Having a child together was a huge decision, but Steve was willing to raise the baby as a single father if Peggy wasn’t ready to go down that road. He was willing to do everything, and he wouldn’t hold any ill-will towards Peggy if she didn’t want to be a parent. 

So, yes, he and Peggy were ‘serious’ on some type of ways, but not romantically. He hadn’t been serious with anyone since Bucky then, he supposed. And sure he figured most of it was because of Peter, because he wasn’t going to bring just any man or woman into his son’s life. He promised himself that he would only open that door when he was doing more than just casually dating a person, but he hadn’t gotten there yet. 

"You uh," Steve nervously bit down on his bottom lip, before looking back to Bucky's smiling face for courage, "You want some company? I'll walk with you and your date." 

"I'd like that," Bucky smiled easily and bumped his shoulder against Steve's as he stood back up. 

The two walked together in companionable silence, shoulders continuing to brush as they did so. 

"Here, hold on," Bucky gestured to the convenience store they approached, "Can't have pizza without beer." 

"You can go in there with Lucky?" 

Bucky winked, "Maybe they won't notice." 

After picking up a six pack that Bucky uncomfortably wedged in his armpit, between his torso and the partial bicep on his left side, the two walked another five storefronts down until they got to the pizza place. Luckily, the place had a walk up window for pickup so Bucky didn't have to think twice about his furry companion. 

Bucky pushed the box of pizza toward Steve until he grabbed it. Then, Bucky used his right hand to dig a handful of bills out of his front pocket to pay before lifting the box in his right hand and turning back to Steve, "What do you say, Stevie? Ya gonna walk me an' my date home too?" 

"I'd be honored," Steve tilted his head down in an over dramatic bow towards Lucky before patting the dog on the head. 

Steve placed his hand on Bucky's back, near his shoulder blade, before sliding his hand up towards his shoulder, and smoothly sliding the six pack of beer out from under Bucky's arm. With Steve's gym back on his back due to the long should strap, he had both hands free. He slipped his hand through the handle in the cardboard packaging. 

He couldn't help himself. It's not like Steve had consciously thought about the extra touching of Bucky, but his fingers were practically twitching at the proximity of the other man's body. 

"Steve," Bucky started but just shook his head. 

"You're going to make the beer all warm." Steve rolled his eyes. 

From anyone else, Bucky would've been offended but Steve didn't make it a thing. Despite the years that had passed, he knew that Steve didn't think any less of him for being disabled. Well, and he knew that his left bicep and shoulder were still very sore from physical therapy that morning (hence the need for relaxing pizza and beer). 

Come to think of it, Steve was the only man who didn't make things about the arm, "Thanks." 

Steve smiled easily before bumping his right shoulder against Bucky's left, "It's only because I hate drinking warm beer." 

Steve grimaced as he realized what he just said. He realized with a sick feeling in his stomach that he literally just invited himself to spend time with Bucky. Sure, that's what he wanted to do in the grand scheme of things, but he didn't mean to immediately impose. Oh goodness, why did he have to say anything? 

_Did flirting always used to make his stomach hurt like this?_

Of course, Bucky was completely oblivious. He cocked an eyebrow as his eyes slid in Steve's direction. He was smirking, "Is that right, Rogers?" 

Steve was steadfastly trying to ignore the blush spreading onto his cheeks, "Well, you know..." He trailed off. 

Steve waited a few more blocks before he tried to pick up the aborted conversation, "So, um, how are things going with Brock?" 

Steve avoided rolling his eyes at his own stupid question. Could he be any more obvious? 

Bucky shrugged, "I don't know if we're gonna go out again. I told him that I would text him, but I can't seem to do it." 

"Oh," Steve found that part of the conversation very interesting, "Any particular reason?" 

Was it clear he was fishing for information? It probably looked obviously clear. 

"Shit, Steve," Bucky looked a bit chagrined, "It's kind of personal." 

"Oh, you're right," Steve looked as embarrassed as he felt, "I am so sorry. That was inappropriate. I shouldn't have asked." 

"No, no," Bucky gave a shake of his head, "Don't worry about it." 

Steve was wondering how to get his foot out of his mouth as Bucky slowed and came to a stop. 

"This is me." Bucky gestured to the building they approached, "Does that mean you're coming up to drink cold beer, Rogers?" 

This was it. There was no way Steve could let this chance pass. 

"Yeah, Buck." He nodded, "Course I am." 

Bucky passed off the pizza box to Steve so that he had a free hand to pull his keys from his pocket. As he opened the door to the building, he waved Steve on, indicating for him to follow. 

Steve followed Bucky into an empty apartment as Bucky switched on lights and unclipped Lucky from his leash. The dog went bounding down the far hall. Bucky kicked off his shoes, so Steve did the same, as well as dropping his gym onto the floor next to them. 

Bucky stepped into the kitchen, and Steve set the beer and pizza box on the table. 

The two men each grabbed a beer and twisted off the cap. Bucky tapped his bottle against Steve's before taking a couple of long pulls out of the bottle. It was cold and refreshing, and gave Steve something else to focus on besides the hard line of Bucky's jaw. 

Steve found himself downing the drink a lot quicker than he had planned. 

"It was sex." Bucky's voice was matter-of-fact. 

"What?!" Steve stumbled over his feet and caught himself on the edge of the kitchen table. All of the sudden the room seemed ten degrees hotter than it was a moment ago. 

Bucky lifted an eyebrow at Steve's obvious reaction, "With Brock. It was sex." 

"Oh, um," Steve's tongue felt too big for his mouth and he could feel his cheeks heating up, "oh, okay." 

"I just," Bucky looked awkward, "I could tell he wanted to hook up and I...I just wasn't ready." 

"Bucky," Steve's lips twisted downwards and he reached out to clasp a hand on his ex-boyfriend's shoulder, "There's nothing wrong with that." 

Bucky shook his head ruefully as he dropped into a chair at the table. He flipped the lid open from the pizza box and grabbed a slice without even getting a plate to put it on. "He's only seen me with the prosthetic and I just didn't have it in me to bring him home and have him watch me take my clothes _and my arm_ off." 

Steve tried to think of something nice, encouraging, or sympathetic to say. Really. He was realizing what a gigantic asshole he was being with his mouth open, and his eyes wide. He was staring and looking like an idiot, but his mid was nearly short circuiting and what Bucky had mentioned. 

"Steve?" Bucky looked incredibly embarrassed at Steve's silence. May he shouldn't have spoken so candidly with Steve, it just felt so easy to do so. But now he was starting to regret it. 

"Buck," Steve's voice cracked as he tried to form a reply. 

"I shouldn't have said anything," Bucky looked away, breaking eye contact, clearly uncomfortable. 

And Steve felt like an even bigger asshole for being the one to make him uncomfortable. 

"No Bucky, I'm sorry." Steve swallowed hard. Honesty, he reminded himself. He could be honest, "I just . . . You . . . Shit, you made me think about you _naked_." 

Bucky's entire expression changed and became lighter, and all the sudden his head was thrown back and he was laughing so hard his shoulders were shaking. 

He dropped the half eaten pizza slice back into the box as he stood up, and walked over to pull two plates out. He placed one in front of his chair before dropping back into it and passed the other one to Steve. 

"You know," Bucky took a long pull of his drink, "I needed that. Thanks, Steve." 

The blush on Steve's cheeks seemed to deepen with his embarrassment. He tried to hide it by lifting the bottle back to his lips. "I didn't mean to be inappropriate." 

He finished his slice, "Thank you." 

"Thank me?" Steve looked confused. 

"Yeah," Bucky rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand, his giveaway of self consciousness, "Back when we were together, all those years ago, you never made me feel awkward when we took our clothes off." 

Steve shrugged, "Buck, there wasn't anything wrong with your body back then..." 

Bucky's eyes connected with Steve's and the energy in the room seemed to shift. 

Steve felt his heart skip a beat. His body shuddered a bit with the breath he took. 

Shit. 

If he did this, there'd be no going back. 

But he _wanted._

And as his eye's glued themselves to the tip of Bucky's tongue as it trailed along his bottom, Steve couldn't seem to stop himself. 

His gaze was dark as it returned to Bucky's eyes, "...and there's certainly nothing wrong with it now." 

"Yeah?" Bucky's breath caught, and he downed the rest of his drink, "You see something you like, Stevie?" 

Steve swear he heard his throat click as he swallowed since it was suddenly bone dry, "Yeah." 

…... 

Bucky Barnes was a horrible person. 

He knew he was. 

He knew Steve had a boyfriend at home, but it didn't stop him from inviting Steve into his apartment. It didn't stop him from flirting with the blonde adonis across from him. 

It didn't stop him from licking across his bottom lip just to see if those heated eyes would follow the movement. 

It didn't stop him from remembering the feeling of Steve's big, broad body spread out beneath his. 

Knowing that Steve had someone else couldn't seem to stop him. Logically, Bucky knew that a better man wouldn't pursue this, but he felt a familiar aching in his gut that he hadn't experienced in years. 

He could get addicted to the silky way Steve's easy were looking over his body. 

"...and there's certainly nothing wrong with it now." 

Christ. Bucky was hard in his pants. Just from that voice, just from those eyes, just from the way Steve's pupils were dilating. 

"Yeah?" He was fucking going for it. Bucky was well aware that he was looking at Steve like he wanted to eat him up. It had been a long time though, and he wanted to hear Steve say it, "You see something you like, Stevie?" 

Bucky watched Steve's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed before responding, "Yeah." 

That was all it took. 

Bucky stood up and all but stalked around the table. He watched Steve's eyes on him as slowly made his way around to the blond man. 

The tension in the air felt thick as everything seemed to move in slow motion. 

Then it speed up as quickly as it had slowed down. 

Bucky was crawling into Steve's lap, straddling him where he sat on the kitchen chair. Their lips crashed together and it wasn't chaste, it wasn't gentle. It was four years of longing and heat and lust. He tasted like pizza and beer and home and Bucky, somewhat dramatically, wanted to crawl into Steve's skin and live there. 

He never wanted it to end. 

He heard Steve whimper as he nibbled on a bottom lip, and desperate to hear that sound again, he repeated the action. 

Bucky was a home-wrecker. What was wrong with him? 

_A better man wouldn't be doing this._

As Steve's lips moved down, sucking desperately at the sensitive spot behind Bucky's ear, Bucky's hips rolled up. 

"Shit!" Steve felt Bucky's hardness press against his, and he hissed and bit down on that baby-soft skin in front of him. 

"Oh Steve," Bucky groaned loudly and titled his head to the side, inviting Steve to bite at more of his skin. 

He continued to roll his hips, rutting up against the man below him. 

Steve whined, desperately, not able quite form the words. 

Bucky's arm wrapped around the back of Steve's shoulders and hand dug itself into the blonde, beautiful hair. His hips rolled again. 

Fuck. He missed feeling like this. 

He missed this feeling. 

"W-wait," Steve's voice stuttered as his breath was labored, "Buck, wait." 

He stopped rolling his hips, but ground them down and Bucky felt Steve shiver. He rested his stump on the side of Steve's shoulder and attempted to catch his own breath as he looked down at the man in front of him. 

"Buck..." 

"You already said that," Bucky was panting as he responded. 

"Buck," Steve started again, and followed it up with a deep heavy breath. 

Bucky knew what was coming, and he knew that he was a horrible person. Because he didn't want to stop. He didn't want this to end. And what sort of fucked up, philandering type of asshole did that make him? That he wanted to continue, despite the fact that Steve was clearly trying to get himself together? 

"I should to tell you about -" Steve's eyes held that same steely determination that Bucky had become so familiar with years ago. 

"Shhhh," Bucky cut Steve off with a finger to his lips. He leaned forward and pressed his lips hard against Steve's, hiss finger still between them. He pulled back a few inches and his voice dropped to just above a whisper. 

There was no way that Steve could miss the pleading in his voice, that it sounded like he was one step away from broken. "Will it change things?" 

Steve nodded and his brow furrowed. He wrapped am arm around Bucky's waist and pulled his body closer. "Yes." 

And Bucky was a horrible person, and an asshole, because he wanted this so badly. Just one night, he told himself. He could have this one night and then Steve could go back to whoever was waiting for him, and Bucky's heart could break again, but he'd remember that he and Steve had this moment together. One moment together where he didn't worry about being lost or that his head was too fucked, where he could just enjoy Steve and his body and being together again after all those years apart. 

"Then don't say it," his eyes were begging. 

"Buck," Clearly Steve was still trying. 

"You can tell me later," Bucky shook his head, "Tell me tomorrow or some other time. Just don't tell me tonight." 

Steve's eyes met Bucky's and he suddenly remembered why he was never able to deny Bucky anything. 

He took a deep breath and nodded before crashing his lips against Bucky's once again.


	5. I Know it Breaks Your Heart

Steve didn't know what to say to Bucky, so he said nothing. Looking into to those grayish blue eyes, he just couldn't come up with the words. Bucky was in his lap, that hard, newly muscular body heaving against his chest, and Steve couldn't make his mouth form the words. 

Will it change things? 

Of course it would change things. 

He had an arm wrapped tightly around Buck's waist, keeping Bucky's heavy body weight pushed down against his lap. His other arm was around Bucky's back, against his shoulder blades, with his fingers lightly resting on the few inches of bicep Bucky had on his left side. 

With Bucky's body pressed so tight against his, Steve could feel his insides melting. It was more than just the heat between the two and the blood rushing straight to his dick; it was the familiar warmth in his heart, it was his chest feeling soft, it was the memories of Bucky and the love he still knew was there. 

How could Steve had ever thought he was over Bucky? Since that moment in the bar when his heart skipped a beat, he knew those feelings were still there. All those miles and years between the two made it easy to ignore his feelings, but with Bucky in his arms, he couldn't ignore anything. 

Steve wanted this. 

He wanted Bucky. 

Christ, he wanted Bucky. . . . 

In his bed, in his life, in his heart. 

Steve nipped at Bucky's lower lip, before moving down slightly and dug his teeth into the line of Bucky's jaw. Judging by the shudder of the man in his arms, Bucky still liked a little edge of pain mingled with his pleasure. 

What was Steve supposed to say? Bucky had been practically begging him with those soft, expressive eyes. 

Would it change things? 

Of course it fucking would. 

Steve's hips rolled up to meet Bucky's, as he groaned against the flesh of his neck. 

Whatever this was, Steve couldn't do just casual with Bucky. He wanted everything. Steve didn't care that years had gone by, that his heart had been broken in the past; all he cared about was what was currently happening. Sure, Bucky might not be the same man he was four years ago, but neither was Steve. And Steve wanted him now. 

Possibly for forever. 

But Bucky needed to know. Because if Steve couldn't do causal? If he wanted Bucky around long term, then it would be unfair to move forward with this without telling him about Peter. 

It would be one thing if here were to date Bucky casually, but Steve didn't do casual anymore. If he was going to date, it was going to be serious, because he was a parent, and he was building a family for his son. Steve wanted Bucky in his life, which meant having Bucky in Peter's life, and Steve was aware enough to know that that was a huge fucking decision. 

Steve had always wanted kids, but he had no idea how Bucky felt on the subject. It had seemed unfair to bring up the subject when they were dating, as Bucky struggled to take care of just himself, and he and Bucky had never made it to that part of the relationship anyway. 

But now? Steve was never going to let him go, and while he thought Bucky might be somewhat open to that idea based on the way his right hand was tugging at the collar of Steve's shirt, he wasn't sure if Bucky would be interested in dating a single parent. 

How would he even say that? _"Bucky, I'm really interested in you and I've missed you so much and apparently never got over you, but I have a son and you need to know that he's going to always come first"_? Yeah, because that would go over well. 

" _Stevie_ ," Bucky whispered as he continued to tug at Steve's shirt. 

Steve looked up and met Bucky's eyes, slightly glassy and pupils blow with lust. Steve was more than willing to start taking clothes off, but it had been a while, and he and Bucky had literally just been talking about he being unready took hook up with someone else. 

"Shhh," Steve's hand dropped to Bucky's waist and slide under his shirt. He slowly rubbed his palm up and back down again, "I got you, Buck. Gonna make you feel good. But I've got to ask: Are you sure?" 

…. 

Bucky dug his face into the juncture between Steve's shoulder and neck. He inhaled deeply – trying to ignore the slight scent of soap and how good Steve smelled - and exhaled slowly. His original reaction was to just whine out, "Fuck me now." But instead, he took Steve's question to heart. Steve was being serious, and the least Bucky could do would be to answer his question with the same amount of careful consideration. 

Because this was a big deal. 

Steve let out a groan that he was clearly trying to hold back. 

Bucky's dick was so hard as he rolled his hips. God, he wanted Steve's body. It was almost too hard to think beyond this one moment. He was balancing on a razor's edge of pleasure on one side and self-hatred on the other. His rational mind was whispering that if the guilt was already eating at him this much, then taking Steve to bed would be exponentially worse. 

The other part of his brain was chanting _yes, yes, yes._ He wanted Steve so badly. He had no issue admitting that Steve was the best sex he'd ever have and that he'd love the opportunity to enjoy him again. He wanted Steve's big thick fingers to open him roughly like he used to. He wanted so much. He wanted to ride Steve, and get his hand on the firm flesh of those big, hardened pectoral muscles that were the sexiest tits Bucky'd ever seen. Oh and he wanted to taste them, lick them, bite them. He wanted Steve's caring hands all over his body. He wanted Steve to bend him over this kitchen table and just _take_ and _take_ and _take_. 

Bucky's skin felt hot. 

Even if it was just one night, sleeping with Steve is not something he'd forget. He hadn't forgotten about their times together in the past, and he certainly wouldn't forget this. Steve's body was warm and hard and Bucky just wanted to drink it in. 

Not to mention the fact that Bucky was causing Steve to cheat on his boyfriend, and Steve was never that type. Steve was honest and wonderful, and supported Bucky the best he could when they were dating, even though Bucky's brains were too scrambled at the time. 

Whatever was happening was a big fucking deal. 

It was different if it was just some guy Bucky had met in a bar. Sleeping with a stranger would feel good. Providing he could get over his self-consciousness about his left side, he could easily pick up a stranger and have a satisfying night with them. One night stands were different though; Bucky wouldn't see the guy again. He could just enjoy the physical release, and then move on with his life. 

But with Steve? Well, he certainly wanted to be in Steve's life. 

Bucky's body froze. _What the hell was he doing?_

If he wanted to be in Steve's life, certainly this wasn't the way. If this happened, then Steve would never want to see him again. They would've spent four years apart, only to see each other again, and that would be it. Steve would never be able to see him again. 

Bucky couldn't do this. 

He had a bit of a hysterical thought that the idea of doing this with a woman would be easier than doing this with Steve. 

He felt the hand that was up the back of his shirt, dip down to his waistband and then fingers moved below it. 

"Buck?" Steve's voice was gentle and questioning, even as he worked a hand in the back of Bucky's pants. 

He couldn't tear Steve's life apart. 

"C'mon baby, let me blow you." Steve's voice was quiet and breathy, and Bucky shivered as he felt the tip of a tongue trace the shell of his ear. "'M make you feel so good." 

He might be a home-wrecking asshole, but the last fucking thing he wanted to do was turn Steve into the same. Assuming Steve was still the man he knew, he was sure Steve wasn't a cheater. The pull between the two of them was magnetic, certainly too hard for Bucky to resist, and Bucky assumed that it was too strong for Steve as well. It would explain the sparks he felt whenever he looked at Steve. . . It didn't matter how strongly they were drawn together, he couldn't destroy the life Steve had all ready built. 

Bucky had already broken his heart once, and he would hate himself if he hurt Steve again. And If he knew Steve the way he thought he did, he knew that Steve would let guilt eat him if he cheated on his partner. 

Bucky left his head to make eye contact with Steve, trying to think rationally while his body was thrumming with need. 

Steve nipped his ear lobe, "Let me get on my knees, show you how much I want to worship that big, thick cock." He was kissing Bucky's neck, alternating with quick, harsh bites, "Never seen a dick like yours, baby. It's been years, but it's unforgettable, just like you. I can feel how hard you are against my stomach. I know that dick, honey. Wanna suck you dry." 

Some small part of his brain was trying to remind Bucky that Steve only used pet names during sex, and that Bucky had heard Steve use them in public a week ago. That part felt like it could crush him.

Bucky shook his head, torn between right and wrong. Steve's dirty talk made him whimper out loud. He'd never wanted anything this badly, but... Could he really do this? 

**_Fuck it._ **

He really was an asshole. 

"Yeah," He locked his eyes on Steve's, "I'm sure." 

"Bedroom?" Steve stood up easily, large arms flexing without trouble and taking Bucky with him. He nodded once, partially to himself, and started to head towards the kitchen doorway. 

"Down the hall," Bucky whimpered a bit as his legs wrapped around Steve's body, crossing at the ankles. 

As they reached the threshold of the kitchen Bucky pressing his body against Steve's as hard as possible, the two men were interrupted by a loud ringtone, clearly emanating from Steve's body. 

…. 

Steve's whole body was on fire with excitement as he stood up with Bucky In his arms. Bucky's body was a little heavier than he remembered but the new bulk of his body felt so good pressed against his own chest. 

He didn't even make it out of the kitchen before he recognized the alarm tone from his phone. 

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

This was not the time. 

"Bucky," Steve's body came to a stop as his hands slid from around Bucky's back to his thighs and gently unwound them from his weight. He set Bucky down easily. 

"You need to get that?" Bucky's voiced wavered, and Steve's heart hurt a bit at the uncertainty he heard. 

Steve reached into his pocket and slid his thumb across his phone screen to turn the alarm off. Needing to be home by 7:30, he had set his phone to go off at 7:00, knowing that sometimes he got carried away at the gym. With Peggy catching a flight first thing tomorrow, she was planning to drop Peter off tonight to sleep at Steve's place. Steve had talked to her earlier that morning and promised he'd be around for bedtime, so that Peggy would have a chance to enjoy her evening with Angie before she was out of town for three weeks. 

"It was just my alarm," Steve started hesitantly, not liking the way Bucky seemed to step back from his body. The heat between them immediately began to cool, "I've gotta get home." 

"Oh – oh, all right," Bucky's head bobbed in a nod as face twisted into a bit of a grimace before he was able to smooth it out. "Yeah, sure. I understand." 

Steve hated how unsure Bucky looked, and he hated even more that he put that expression onto Bucky's face. It wasn't fair. When he followed Bucky in for a drink, he didn't plan on kissing the other man, and anticipate to get carried away, but now that he had a taste? Now he wanted everything. 

He wanted Bucky's thick, hard body against his, and he wanted the other man underneath him, or on top of him. He wanted to push Bucky's legs apart and swallow his cock down as far as possible. He wanted this, and he wanted that hurt erased from Bucky's face as soon as possible. 

He couldn't just walk away from this. If making out with Bucky had given him anything – besides his raging hard erection – it was that he knew he wanted Bucky. More Bucky in his life. He was going to tell Bucky the truth and then … 

And then what? 

It didn't matter. He lived in New York, and now Bucky did too, and damn it if that didn't mean they were supposed to be together. 

His heart was racing, but Steve didn't care. He was going to find a way to make this work. 

"Come back with me," The words were out of his mouth before he finished figuring out his plan, but he didn't regret them. 

Steve was going to be real with Bucky, be honest, and ask him to be part of his life again. He was going to tell him that he never wanted to let go. 

"What?" Bucky's expression was unreadable, but Steve definitely didn't like the way the corners of his lips were pulling them into a frown. 

"Bucky, _please_ ," Steve wasn't above begging, "Just hear me out." 

Bucky tilted his head in acknowledgement, but his brow seemed to crease in uncertainty. 

"Listen," Steve inhaled deeply and reached across the growing distance to place a hand on each of Bucky's shoulders and gripped tightly, "I have to get home. Come back to my place, I'll explain everything, and then, I swear, I will blow you so hard." 

"Go back with you?" Bucky began slowly, his eyebrow raising in question, "You'll explain some shit, and then you're going to blow me?" 

Steve stepped closer, his large body invading Bucky's space, "I swear, I will give you the best blowjob of your life." 

"Steve, listen," Bucky began, and Steve could see him clearly talking himself out of it. 

"Buck," Steve interrupted, because this was happening. This had to happen. "Whatever this was? Whatever was happening? I don't want it to stop. I'm not ready for it to stop. Honestly, I'm dying to suck your cock, but it doesn't have to be sex; I just want to be with you. But I need to get going and I want you to come with me." 

Bucky nervously ran his tongue over his bottom lip and he shrugged as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

Steve leaned forward and brushed his lips against Bucky's lightly. He pleaded, "Please, Buck." 

Bucky nodded, "Yeah? I mean, yeah. What the hell?" 

Awkward tension had replaced the sexual tension in the room, and Steve didn't like how it felt. Trying to diffuse it a bit, he gave his ex-boyfriend a small smile, "Plus, I have cold beer at my apartment too." 

No longer hungry, Bucky closed the pizza box and shoved it into the fridge, before dropping the two plates into the sink. "All right, Rogers. Lead the way." 

The awkwardness followed the two as they made their way back to the front door and got shoes on. 

"Will, ummm," Steve bent down to pick up his abandoned gym bag, "Will Lucky be okay on his own?" 

"He'll be fine, Steve," Bucky tried not to roll his eyes, "Let's just get out of here so you can tell me why we're in such a rush." 

Worried about the time crunch, Steve had called an Uber to take them back to his apartment. Bucky didn't say much, and Steve felt uncomfortable trying to fill the silence. 

Everything would be okay, he told himself. Soon, he'd be able to tell Bucky everything and then Bucky could decide for himself if he wanted Steve and his son in his life. 

And then Steve could blow the hell out of him. (But that really wasn't the point. Honesty was the point here, Steve reminded himself). 

The silence lingered as Bucky followed him into the elevator and then into his apartment. 

Okay, he could do this. Bucky needed to know everything. 

Or maybe not. Maybe this was moving too fast? There was a large chance this was moving too fast. Hooking up was one thing... But letting Bucky back into his life and his family? It had only been a week and a half, and he barely knew Bucky. They'd only said a handful of things to each other for the first time in years, and now Steve was going to introduce him to Peter? What was he doing? Bucky was surely going to feel like Steve was pressuring him. Right? Right. 

But Steve wanted this. He didn't want to lose Bucky again. He'd just have to be honest with Bucky, and let Bucky make the choice. 

Steve walked into the kitchen and Bucky followed him. As he opened the fridge to grab a couple beers, he saw Bucky look around his place. 

"Okay, Rogers, you got me here," He accepted the bottle from the outstretched hand with a quirk of his lips. 

Steve twisted the cap off his beer and took a long pull before turning his body back towards his ex-boyfriend's, "I've got something I've gotta tell ya, Buck." 

"Fine," Bucky's faced looked pain, and his expression was harder than it had been when they were back at his place. 

As Steve opened his mouth to respond, he heard the familiar noise of a key in his lock, and his front door opening and closing. 

"Steve, darling!" Peggy stepped into the kitchen, dressed casually in a tshirt and jeans, with a very sleepy toddler balanced on her hip, snuggling his face into her chest. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw an unexpected stranger in the kitchen with her friend and gave him a smile, "Oh, hello." 

"Um, hi." Bucky was one hundred percent sure that his confusion was clear on his face, but he tried to smile back politely. 

Steve smiled gently as she approached him, and automatically opened his arms. Peggy passed Peter into his arms, and the toddler shuffled over without much trouble. Steve cradled him close with one massive arm and covered Peter's little belly with his other hand. 

"Hey sweetheart," He cooed quietly as he watched Peter tiredly rub one tiny fist against his eyes. "You're looking pretty sleepy, champ." 

"Well," Peggy cleared her throat loudly while grinning at Bucky, "I would love to chat." She waited until she was facing Steve to narrow her eyes, "Would really, really love to, but I have plans." 

Steve's eyes had been focused on Peter in his fuzzy footed pajamas the whole time but he finally looked up, "Thanks, Peg. Have a good night." 

"I'll be back in three weeks," Peggy reminded him, "But I put my flight information on our shared calendar if you need it. I'll text you sometime tomorrow when my flight gets in, and I can FaceTime some time later this week." 

Peggy looked over at Bucky and then sent Steve a very pointed look before she started out of the kitchen. "I'll miss you, Little Man." 

"Noooooo," Peter wailed in his little voice, his sleepy eyes blinking open. 

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Steve rocked his arms gently, in the same way he did when his boy was just baby. 

"Kisses! Kisses!" The toddler demanded with his signature pout. 

"Of course," Peggy walked back up to Steve as Steve shifted the hold on his boy higher up, so his face was even with Peggy's. 

Steve leaned down to kiss Peter's cheek as Peggy did so on the opposite side of his face. 

Feeling much more settled, now having received his parents' affections, Peter's eyes closed again and he laid head down on his dad's shoulder. 

"Peggy, nice to meet you," Peggy stepped away from Steve and held a hand out to Bucky. 

"Bucky," He responded politely and took the offered hand, slightly surprised at the strength of her handshake. 

"Huh," She lifted an eyebrow, "That's funny." 

Steve had one large hand on his son's back, and was rubbing gently, "What's funny?" 

"Bucky," Peggy shrugged with a easy smile, "It just seems like an uncommon name, and believe it or not, Steve actually dated a man named Bucky a few years back." 

"Uh," Steve cleared his throat awkwardly, "This is actually the same Bucky." 

"Oh my! Well, how about that?!" Peggy's face looked incredibly pleased, "Unfortunately, I've really got to get going. But Steve, _we will be talking later_." 

She was grinning as she made her way towards the door. "It was nice to meet you, Bucky." 

Steve waited until he heard the door shut and lock before turning back to face Bucky. 

Bucky's eyes were large with surprise and his expression was one that Steve didn't recognize. 

"Bucky, I'd like you introduce you to someone special," Steve started gently, taking a small step towards the other man, "This little man is my son, Peter."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, boys, just get over yourselves and do it all ready!


	6. So, baby, pull me closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would apologize for taking so long to post this, but it was because whenever I opened the doc, I just added more to the smutty party soooo... I regret nothing.

Questions. Bucky had Questions, with a capital Q. 

"Uh," he stuttered out ineloquently before he could pick his jaw up and gather his thoughts. 

Of everything he would have ever considered, this did not even make the list. 

Steve was a father? 

Well… that was something. 

Before Bucky could respond, a small voice beat him to it. 

"Dadddddddy," the voice in question whined. 

This was fucking weird. 

"I know, sweetheart," Steve's voice was quiet and gentle, and he held the baby against his body with one arm. He large hand returned to lightly patting the kid's belly. 

Although, Bucky supposed, the boy wasn't quite a baby. It's just that Steve's broad shoulders and massive chest made him look impossibly small by comparison. 

There was no doubt that the kid - Peter, Bucky somewhat hysterically corrected himself - was genetically part of Steve. His hair wasn't the same honey gold as Steve's, but it was a baby-fine warm caramel color. When his little eyes would blink open, the clear, bright blue was the exact same, and despite the fact that it was concealed by soft baby fat, Bucky was sure that there was evidence of an obscenely strong jawline underneath. 

"I've got to put him down, but it shouldn't take too long," Steve shrugged in a way that should've been casual, but it just seemed to highlight the fact that there was a child in his arms. 

The kid made somewhat of a grumpy noise before demanding, "Book, daddy, book." 

"You got it, champ." Steve's voice was consistently gentle when addressing the little one, and despite knowing Steve for years (or years ago?) it was a tone Bucky had never heard. 

Panic, Bucky finally realized. That's what this feeling is. 

Steve waved his hand towards the other side of the room, "Living room is through there if you want to sit down or something. I won't be long." He but his lip nervously, "Just, uhhh, at least, just don't leave before I get back." 

"Yeah," Bucky swallowed dryly seeing as part of him considered doing exactly that: Waiting until Steve was out of eye sight and then getting out of there. It wasn't that he wanted to run from Steve, it's just that he was feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions and he wasn't quite sure how to deal with them. He was an adult person, though, and his head was on straight now, he reminded himself. "Yeah," he repeated a little awkwardly, "I'll be here when you get back." 

Bucky fought the urge to roll his eyes when Steve's response was a tentative smile that was still bright enough to light up the whole room. 

He watched Steve walk down the hall, and waited until he was out of sight to take a long, deep breath. 

He needed a minute. This was a hell of a lot to process. He quickly finished his beer, and then decided that he should finish Steve's half full bottle as well. 

Shit. 

He left the kitchen to move into the living area, and got distracted by a collage of framed photos on the wall. 

Act normal. Take another deep breath. 

Maybe the panic feeling was happening because he was gay? Not specifically of course, but as someone who hadn't had sex with a woman in about thirteen years, the idea of an unplanned pregnancy literally never crossed his mind. It wasn't something he considered, or even anticipated. And it was literally the last thing he would've thought of in relation to Steve. Steve had always been open about his bisexuality, and obviously Bucky saw nothing wrong with that sexual orientation, it's just that, as a gay man, the idea pregnancy didn't even exist his life. 

Oh shit. The thought occurred to Bucky and he had to take another deep breath because his body suddenly seemed to suck in air a bit too quickly and hyperventilate. 

Why had he assumed that it was an unplanned pregnancy? Steve had never hid the fact that he wanted a family - he works with sick kids for goodness sake! - and what if he had a baby on purpose? He was thirty years old now, Bucky's chest heaved a bit, he was old enough and responsible enough to have a family. 

It took Bucky fucking four years of semi-isolation and therapy before he could live without losing himself in his own mind, and Steve had moved on. Bucky was barely a person at the time, and he had left Steve, and now Steve's new life was good. Steve had things together back in DC; Bucky had liked Steve's small apartment and the people he worked with at his little health clinic had seemed nice. But now? 

Steve had this nice apartment, and worked at one of the best hospitals in the States, he had a child, a family (!), and a Peggy. Steve had everything. Everything he could ever want, all the things Bucky wouldn't have been able to give him four years. 

And, obviously, physically, Bucky would never be able to give him a child. 

Not that Steve would ever want something like that with Bucky. Steve wouldn't need a future with Bucky. He all ready had everything. 

Huh, Bucky took a moment to absently note that that's where the panic came from. He was panicking that he might not get to be in Steve's life? He hasn't even seen Steve in years. Is this really what he wanted? More importantly, why is he surprised this is what he wanted? He has always wanted Steve. As long as he can remember. 

The panic had subsided a bit, and Bucky was self aware enough to realize that a bit of sadness had replaced it. Obviously, the logical part of him that wasn't mixed up inside was happy for Steve, because he had only ever wanted Steve to be happy. Bucky had loved him, but he knew Steve would never be truly happy in their relationship because Bucky wasn't able to be truly present. Steve was an amazing man who deserved the best, and he was really happy that Steve was getting all the lovely things out of life that he deserved. 

But that didn't mean he could shut off the bit of sadness that was working it's way into his heart. It was that he expected anything… it's was just that when he saw Steve again, some part of him had maybe cautiously hoped that he'd get to be back in his life. At the bar, before he'd assumed that Steve had a boyfriend (which, Bucky maintained was still a much more logical assumption than Steve having a child), he had felt the little flickering flame of excitement between the two. 

Even if it was completely platonic (seeing as before that heated look in the kitchen, Bucky had been sure Steve got over him years ago), Bucky could still be part of Steve's life. They could be friends. 

But Steve doesn't need Bucky. He's got a good job, a Peggy, and a family. Why would he need anything else? 

(Well, at least this meant that Steve didn't have a boyfriend at home.) 

Bucky's chest hurt and he didn't want to take the time to categorize the torrent of emotions weaving through him, so he continued to take deep breaths to try and calm himself down. 

He looked at the photos in front of him, giving himself a distraction until he wanted to return to dealing with his feelings about this whole thing. 

The first photo must have been shortly after Peter was born, because Peggy was sitting in a hospital bed, looking fairly disheveled, cradling a very small bundle of blankets. Steve was directly to the side of her, an arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders. Steve's smile was blinding. 

The second photo was Steve and an attractive man whom Bucky didn't recognize. He actually made Steve look small, which was no easy accomplishment. The man was huge, with long blond hair, and both he and Steve were in tuxedos looking easily at the camera. Next to the two was a small brunette woman in a white wedding dress, grinning at the tiny boy in her arms. Where Steve had managed to find a tuxedo that small for Peter, Bucky had no idea. 

The third photo was a 5x7" and slightly bigger than the other ones, and made Bucky break out into an easy grin. Sam Wilson had been Steve's best friend since college, and Bucky had really liked the guy back when he and Steve had dated. Sam was rolling his eyes at the camera, but still smiling wide. He was holding Peter up with both hands around the tiny body, clearly showing off the fact the he and the toddler were wearing matching sweater vests. Steve was next to Sam, looking positively delighted despite an easily recognizable rosy blush on his cheeks, as he leaned over and pressed a wet looking kiss to Sam's cheek. 

Bucky glanced over at two more photos of Peggy and Peter, and was a little stunned to see the strong resemblance of Steve's features on his son again and again. 

The second to last photo was one of Steve, lying shirtless on a large brown couch. His eyes were closed as if he was asleep, and there was an impossibly tiny infant sleeping on his chest, wearing only an equally tiny diaper. One of Steve's large hands was resting on the baby's back, and the sheer size difference between one of Steve's hands and the baby's entire body was almost comical. Bucky experienced an unexpected warm tug in his chest while looking at the photo, and not quite ready to deal with that, he moved to the last one. 

The final photo was clearly a birthday, obvious from the balloons in the background. Peter was wearing a blue shirt that matched the exact color of both his and Steve's eyes, resting on his father's hip but looking rather grumpy, while Steve grinned open mouth at the camera with his head tossed back a bit, seemingly caught mid-laugh. 

Steve looked so happy. 

He was beautiful. 

Bucky tried to think rationally. Sure, he was shocked and confused, but all he could've ever wished for all those years ago was for Steve to be as happy as he looked in those photos with his boy. 

He felt that strange tugging feeling in his chest again. 

…. 

Steve kissed Peter softly on the forehead as he laid his son down in his crib. 

"All right, champ. Get some sleep. I love you, Petey." He patted the little boy's head and smiled down at him. 

"Love daddy." Peter answered quietly as he rubbed his eyes with his fist before settling more comfortably into his mattress. 

Steve watched as Peter breath deepened easily and he was asleep just moments later. He clicked the button to turn on the baby monitor and grabbed the receiver to take with him. 

He made sure the curtains were closed tightly and closed the door to Peter's room behind him. 

Turning back down the hall, he looked Bucky over a moment before Bucky noticed him. 

Bucky had been looking at the frames on his wall, before rubbing the back of his neck, and dropping ungracefully onto Steve's nearby sofa. 

"He's asleep." Steve announced his presence and then shrugged because why would Bucky want to know if Peter was sleeping? That was probably a weird thing to say. Steve's brow furrowed. What would be the right thing to say in this situation? 

(If he weren't so worried about Bucky's reaction, he could've gone with the classic 'surprise!'.) 

Bucky beat him to it. 

"So Peggy is…?" Bucky didn't have to ask the whole question, it was more than obviously where he was going with it. 

"Pete's mom, yeah. She actually lives in the same building but the floor above this one." 

Bucky bit his lip absentmindedly and looked around the room before looking back to Steve, "Are you guys involved?" 

"We co-parent Pete together," and then Steve realized he was an idiot because that clearly wasn't what Bucky had been asking. Obviously. It was obvious. They'd be all over each other just a half hour ago. Of course he wasn't asking about any platonic parenting. Sensing Bucky's hesitation, he tried to clarify before things felt even more uncomfortable than they all ready did, "But we're not romantically involved, if that's what you're asking." 

Bucky nodded, but didn't say anything so Steve kept babbling. 

"She's married actually. Got a wife named Angie. A wonderful lady." 

"But you were romantically involved at some point?" His eyebrow arched curious. 

Steve shrugged, "We dated casually for a few months, was never anything serious." 

Bucky gave him a very flat look and responded plainly, "Having a baby is pretty serious, Steve." 

"Well," he shrugged again, not quite sure what to say, "It really wasn't anything more than casual, she was never even my girlfriend. Uhh… We had actually stopped seeing each other before we knew she was pregnant." 

"Huh." Bucky met his eyes curiously. 

"But," he sighed and waved his hand in a 'what can you do' gesture, "I really wanted the baby. Peggy wasn't sure what she wanted, but I told her I'd take full custody. Her career is important to her and she travels at least 50% of each month, and she didn't want to give that up. She didn't think that she could raise a baby without giving up her job. We worked it out though, and by the time Pete was born, we agreed that we'd do it together. He's with me more often than not because of her traveling, but when she's in town, he spends equal time with both of us." Steve bit his lower lip nervously, "I can't imagine life without him now." 

"Were you in love with her?" Bucky looked a little uncomfortable, asking such a personal question, but he waited for an answer regardless. 

"I love her now," Steve sat down on the couch, the opposite end from Bucky, "and she means a lot to me, obviously. But I was never in love with her. I haven't been in love with anyone since… " recognizing where he was about to go with that statement, Steve shook his head and let himself trail off. 

"How old is Peter?" Bucky thankfully didn't acknowledge that last bit, and moved forward. 

"He's two. Well, two and a half, really." Steve smiled at that, but looked back at Bucky and could see the wheels turning in his head, "Peggy transferred from DC to New York before his was born, and I decided to do the same. It's why I moved back here." 

"Shit, Steve," Bucky sighed heavily, and let his whole body lean back against the couch. He closed his eyes briefly, rubbing a hand over them, before taking a deep breath and meeting Steve's eyes again, "This is not at all what I expected." 

"Look, Buck," Steve paused and bit his lip nervously. He was going to do this. It's why he tried to tell Bucky about Pete when they started making out. The best he could do was put his cards on the table. Sam was right: this could be what Steve wants. This could be what he needs. He shook his head a bit and took a moment to get his thoughts in order. 

"Yes?" Bucky looked hesitantly back at Steve. 

"I'm going to be honest with you." He sat up straight on the couch and looked directly at Bucky, angling his body towards him. This was an important conversation and he could at least give Bucky his full attention. 

Bucky waited for him to continue, guarded expression still on his face. 

"I don't really date," Steve began with a shrug, "I admit to seeing people, but nothing serious and not for more than one night. I don't tell strangers that I'm a single dad, because if we're just hooking up, that's none of their business." 

Bucky nodded, but lifted an eyebrow in question, "Yet you tried to tell me back at my place…?" 

The unasked question hung in the air and Steve wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. Why was he so nervous? 

Well, that was a stupid question. He knew exactly why. He's was just going to dump his whole life on Bucky and wait and see if his ex boyfriend would make the choice he so desperately hoped for. 

Steve wanted this, wanted Bucky. 

And sure, it was ultimately Bucky's decision, but Steve wasn't going to let him just walk away. 

He understood why Bucky left all those years ago, but things were different now. Bucky was in a much better place now, and Steve wasn't going to let him walk away again. 

Yes, it was ultimately Bucky's decision. 

But Steve was going to fucking fight for him. 

"It's because of that kiss," Steve's body shivered involuntarily as his mind replayed their moment in the other man's apartment. 

"Gonna need a bit more than that, Rogers." 

"I said I'd be honest, right?" 

Bucky nodded in response, but Steve had all ready continued without waiting for a response. 

"Bucky, _I want you._ God, how I want you. I want you naked in my bed. And I want you everywhere else. I didn't realize how much until you got on my lap and kissed me." He shivered again, "You taste so good. Too good." 

Damn it, Steve. This was not the time to get distracted – no matter how good that kiss was. 

Bucky's eyebrow lifted at the flush growing on Steve's face. He worked very hard to suppress the shudder that was threatening to take over his whole body. 

"But the thing is, I want more than just the physical. I might not know you now, but I would like to do so. I'd like the chance to do so. So we were kissing and I was half a second away from taking you to bed, and I realized that I didn't want a one time thing. If all you want is one night, I'll respect your decision, but I want you to know that I wanted - want - more than that." 

"You do?" Despite Steve's talking a bit in circles, Bucky focused on what he was saying and looked a bit surprised by it. 

"Yeah. Yes. I want everything you're willing to give," He shrugged for a second and seemed to remember that he had been trying to make his original point, "So you kissed me and my world stopped and I wanted you to know. But I'm not the same guy I was either, and that's what I had tried to tell you before you stopped me. It seemed dishonest to sleep together without letting you know that I wanted more. And, the thing is, 'more' with me is complicated. Gonna be honest, Buck, I want to do this thing with you, but Peter complicates things. He's my priority, and some people aren't comfortable dating single parents." 

"Steve," Bucky started, but Steve held up a hand and Bucky waited for him to finish. 

"The thing is Bucky…Do we have a future together? I don't know. Maybe. I think we could. But if we do go down that road, there is no way that my life won't have Pete in it. He's young now, but he's going to get older and demand more time and attention. That's too much for some people to handle. It's a big decision." 

Steve let out a heavy breath, feeling oddly relieved, and slumped back on the couch. Sure, he didn't know what was going to happen, but his head and heart felt a lot clearer now that he'd placed all his cards on the table, so to speak. 

It was a weight of his shoulders knowing that Bucky could make an informed decision. Obviously, Steve knew that he was maybe a bit crazy and that it could seem like way too much. Would seem like too much. He basically just told his ex boyfriend, whom he hadn't seen in years, that he wanted a serious relationship with him. 

Oh, he was definitely crazy. 

But at least he was honest, and that's what really counted. Bucky could do what he wanted with Steve's baggage. And Steve certainly felt better about the whole situation. 

It wasn't like he was luring Bucky into bed under false pretenses or anything, but there had been a bit of guilt there. If it was just physical, Steve was sure that he wouldn't have hesitated, but he didn't want just casual with Bucky and it seemed dishonest for them to fall into bed without Bucky knowing Steve's priorities. 

"Well," Bucky's eyes were wide with surprise and something else, "this is really wasn't I expected." 

Steve watched emotions make their way across Bucky's face and he gave a small smile in response. "What did you expect?" 

Bucky's cheeks tinged pink, which isn't something Steve had seen very much in the past. Bucky wasn't one to really blush. His hand rubbed the back of his neck and he looked away before meeting Steve's eyes again, "I didn't expect you to say anything about wanting us to be together." 

"I didn't either, but I know how I feel. I know how it felt when we kissed." 

Bucky's lips twisted into a small smirk, "I don't." 

Steve frowned in confusion, "You don't know how you feel?" 

"No. I don't seem to remember how our kiss felt." The smirk grew. 

"Is that so?" Noticing Bucky's expression, Steve's eyes darkened and he shifted slightly. He took the bait, "Maybe I should remind you." 

Bucky scooted over on the couch until his side was touching Steve's. He leaned forward so that they were breathing the same air. His voice was a whisper as he challenged, "Do it, Rogers." 

Steve felt Bucky's breath ghost over his face before he leaned forward to close to distance between them. As much as he wanted to throw himself all over Bucky, he resisted and lightly brushed his lips against the other man's. It was gentle but full of promise. Bucky's lips were soft and warm and Steve reveled a bit in the sensation. 

Bucky signed contentedly as their lips met, and his eyes fluttered back open as Steve pulled back slightly. 

It felt so good. 

Not for the first time, Steve realized how easy it was to get Carried away with Bucky. Maybe it had been the time or the distance or the fact that he wanted the other man more than anything else in his damn life, but he felt desire start to usurp everything else in his head, which was absolutely the last thing he had intended. 

Leaning forward and pressingly his lips to Bucky's hotly, he lingered for a moment before pulling away. He couldn't have stopped himself from stealing that kiss if he tried. 

Steve's eyes were still closed as he paused in Bucky's space. He opened them slowly to see those gray blue eyes staring uncertainly back at him. 

"And about everything else . ..?" Steve let the unasked question hang in the air as he whispered quietly. 

"It's a lot to take in," Bucky answered honestly and his expression gave away his seriousness, "And I need time to think about it." 

Steve's shoulders slumped a bit in disappointment, as he accepted the rejection. He nodded despite himself, "I understand." 

"Hey," Bucky voice was quiet, but his right hand reached out slowly to rest on Steve's knee and give a squeeze, "But I do know that I want you. And I know that I want whatever is happening between us right now." 

"Yeah?" 

Steve's voice was breathy as he felt Bucky's hand slowly slide from his knee to his thigh. 

"Yeah." Bucky pressed a kiss to the corner of Steve's mouth. 

Steve melted into the kiss and placed a hand at Bucky's waist. It felt like coming home. 

He supposed that this is the best he could hope for. It's not as if Bucky would've jumped for joy and shouted, "take me Steve, I'm yours!" That would be ridiculous. (Convenient but ridiculous.) 

He appreciated that Bucky didn't just agree and move on, because that would feel like he was brushing off the situation. Steve was serious, about this being a big deal for him. He'd never introduced Peter to a partner, or potential partner before. He and Pete were a package deal, and it was good that Bucky recognized the weight of that enough to make a well thought of decision. 

Bucky nipped at his bottom lip and Steve groaned into the kiss. 

Steve felt Bucky take advantage of his open mouth and slipped his tongue in between his lips. 

Steve's hand automatically tightened on the other man's waist as Bucky aggressively licked into his mouth. Steve shifted a bit, the growing tightness in his pants getting a bit uncomfortable, and placed his other hand on Bucky's waist as well. 

He shivered as he felt Bucky's lips follow his jaw line. Bucky nipped lightly at his earlobe before breathing against him. "Pretty sure you promised me sumthin, Stevie." 

Every pleasure center in his brain lit up at the old nickname and it took Steve a full minute to think past the lust fogging his brain. 

"Promised? … Oh!" Steve shook his head and then grinned darkly as he remembered the promise he'd made in Bucky's apartment. 

Bucky winked provocatively and pulled away from Steve's body. He settled comfortably again the back of the couch, and let his legs fall open invitingly. 

Steve's eyes were immediately drawn to the tenting fabric of Bucky's sweat pants and he felt himself licking his lips. It took a few seconds before he looked up at Bucky's face and saw a eyebrow cocked in challenge and a filthy smile. 

It appeared that Bucky wanted this as much as he did. 

"What d'ya want, baby?" He dropped to his knees on the carpeted floor and crawled between Bucky's legs. He started with his hands on the side of his knees, and ran them up to the sides of those delicious hips. His voice was rough with desire, "You want me to suck you slow? Take my time with your big, thick cock?" 

Steve was almost vibrating with heat. He wanted that. He moved a hand to grasp the tempting erection in front of him, the sweatpants surprisingly soft around it. 

Bucky whimpered, "W-Want it fast." His eyes shut and his hips give an involuntary little half thrust when he felt Steve's hand tighten. 

Steve's eyebrow cocked, "Yeah?" He leaned forward and nuzzled against the cloth covered hardness. He was on board with that idea. 

"Yes," Bucky agreed with a groan and nodded with his eyes tightly closed closed, "'M too wound up, want you take the edge off. Sooner I come, the sooner I want you inside me." 

"Fuck." 

Yes, Steve was more than on board with that. 

… 

Bucky's body was on fire. 

"That want you want?" Steve's voice dipped down to that dark chocolate timbre that he'd used back in his apartment, that was etched into Bucky's memories from years ago. Like a Pavlovian response, his body shivered without a thought. 

It's true, there was a whole pile of emotional shit that he should be dealing with, but he'd been ready to go to bed and Steve was about to take him there before that stupid phone alarm went off. The desire that was in his veins hadn't been completely circumvented by the bomb his ex boyfriend had dropped on him. Plus, Steve really had promised him a blow job. Life changing decisions could wait. 

Plus, he wasn't lying to Steve. He knew he wanted something between them, obviously the baby complicated things, so he wasn't sure in what capacity those things would be… But he still wanted them. And, obviously, he wanted whatever filthy things that Steve would be willing to give him tonight. 

Bucky opened his eyes as he felt the hands on the outsides of his thighs start to move. 

Steve's hands slid up the last few inches to the top of Bucky's pants. As two fingers curled into the elastic on either side of him and started slowly pulling them, as well as his boxer briefs, down, Steve didn't stop running his mouth. 

"Yeah, it is." Steve answered his own question assuredly, "That's what you want, baby. You want me inside you, pounding you so hard that you'll feel my dick in your throat. Christ, you want me to come so deep in your ass. Don't ya, baby? I bet you want to be sloppy with it." 

Bucky's chest heaved after he momentarily forgot how to breath. His eyes twisted tightly closed, as he couldn't quite take both hearing Steve's words and watching him. Steve's blue eyes had been locked on his, glancing up through those dark lashes, while he nuzzled his cheek against Bucky's cloth-covered hardness. It was almost too much. 

Clearly their years apart had not had any effect on how talkative Steve was in bed. Bucky hadn't quite realized how much he missed it. That mouth was fucking filthy. 

Rather than formulate a response, Bucky breathed out the only word he could think of, "Steve." 

"That's right, honey. Say my name as much as you want." 

"A-ahh," Bucky gasped as he felt Steve tug harshly at his sweats. He erection slapped against his abdomen after the elastic had released it. Eyes closed, pants around his thighs, he didn't have any time to catch his breath as Steve quickly swallowed him down without teasing. 

It had been long enough that he hadn't thought about it, but it that moment, Bucky suddenly remembered how utterly merciless Steve was in bed. 

Steve's iron grip around Bucky's thighs tightened until it was just on the other side of painful. Bucky moaned at the sensation, and found himself unable to even move his hips. 

"Steve," he was breathless. 

He could feel Steve bob his head up and down quickly, while sucking him hard. It was intense, and he could feel how tightly Steve's lips were wrapped around him. 

He did say that he wanted it fast, and apparently Steve was taking that to heart and not wasting anytime. 

Steve hollowed out his cheeks and used the space to take Bucky a little deeper. 

"Please, ahhh, please," Bucky wasn't above begging. He wasn't even embarrassed about it. It had been a while since anyone had done this for him, and coupled with the wave of emotion his ex boyfriend brought out in him, he was desperate to chase his release. 

"Nooo," Bucky couldn't contain a whimper as Steve apparently pulled off. He no longer felt that hot, warm suction around his dick, and he couldn't stand it, "Stevie, please." 

"I know, baby," Bucky looked down at Steve just to see his eyes darken with desire, "'M gonna take care of you." He gave a particularly devastating nip to the soft inside of Bucky's thigh which had him crying out. Steve smirked in response, "Let's take this to the bedroom first." 

In a haze, Bucky watched Steve gracefully stand up, and then pull Bucky up as well, elastic still holding his pants around the middle of his thighs, his erection swollen up against his abdomen. The elastic of his briefs was uncomfortably wrapped just below his balls. 

Steve wrapped those big arms around him and pulled their bodies flush together. He could feel Steve's hardness pressed against his hip and his body shuddered. Steve took two large handfuls on either side of his ass and squeezed hard as he leaned forward to kiss him hotly on his open mouth. 

"You want to come down my throat? You want me to swallow?" 

Bucky was pretty sure the room just got ten degrees warmer. 

"That's not happening until my fingers are deep inside you." Steve bit at his jawline that was still sensitive from his earlier received love-bites. "Not letting you get off until some part of me is inside that tight ass." 

He reminded himself for the second time: Steve was merciless. 

Bucky's response was for his knees to nearly give out, but Steve just gripped his ass harder and held their bodies together. Without a choice, Bucky leaned into the massive torso pressed against him and let Steve take his weight. 

Bucky felt one of Steve's hand migrate to between his cheeks as Steve pressed open mouth kisses to his neck. He felt one fingertip trace teasingly down his crack. 

At this point he didn't care where it happened, he just needed to get off. 

"Steve," he repeated in a small, wavering voice, "please." 

"I got you, baby. I got you." Steve stepped back but kept one arm tight around his waist as he led the two of them down the hallway. The hall was simple with two closed doors on the left and one opened on the right. Steve all but heaved Bucky's body through the open door, and shut it tightly behind them. 

"Gonna take care of you, Buck," Steve's breathy voice reminded him of the earlier promise. "Want you to feel good." 

Despite the fact that Steve's voice was full of lust, Bucky could still hear the steely determination below it. He'd thought about Steve many times over the last few years, including jerking it to the thoughts of some extremely creative sex, but none of his memories seemed to live up to what was playing out in person. Steve had never once left him unsatisfied, and the way he was treating Bucky definitely reminded him why that was. 

Bucky let Steve lead him towards the bed, surprisingly gentle. At this point, all he could do was let Steve take charge. Steve pushed him down until he settled on the edge of the gray bedspread. Bucky just did his best to remember how to breath as Steve towered over him, standing between his spread legs. He was treated to a sight of glorious pectorals as Steve pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside. 

Idly, Bucky thought about how he was the one that instigated this, and now Steve was all but calling the shots (not that he was complaining). 

Steve grabbed the hem of Bucky's shirt and pulled it quickly over his head. Bucky watched as Steve looked hungrily over his torso. Of course, Bucky also noticed when those roaming eyes stopped and looking questioningly at his left shoulder, clearing noticing the thick layer of gauze and bandages tightly wrapped around his stump. 

Steve looked at him once, and Bucky just shook his head. Luckily, Steve understood him perfectly and moved on without verbally bringing up the subject. The last thing Bucky wanted to do was have a conversation about the fact he got numerous stitches in his stump-arm yesterday and that it looked even uglier than in the past. Plus there was that whole bit about experimental technology literally being inserted into his body. 

He did realize a slight bit of irony that he wasn't comfortable taking his clothes off around anyone lately, thanks to response discs that had been adhered to his arm, the tattooed circles that were permanently there because, with so much scar tissue twisted in the skin, there had to be a way to assure that the discs were in the exact right spot to connect to the prosthetic, and now the stitches …The irony that he wasn't comfortable enough for anyone to see him like that, and the only person who he hadn't minded was the man he was in love with years ago. And it just so happened he was with that man now. What were the chances of that? 

"It's sore is all, just don't bump it too much," Bucky shook his head again - he could worry about all that later. Right now he had better things to keep on his mind. 

Steve gave him an easy, gentle smile before it turned more predatory. "Scoot back, middle of the bed." 

Thankful that Steve didn't comment on it, Bucky scrambled to obey him. It was hard to do anything with the way Steve had been staring him down. 

He watched Steve pull a couple things of his nightstand drawer before returning to the bed. Bucky kicked off his pants and boxer briefs as Steve made his way over to him. 

He closed his eyes again while he took a deep breath, and when he opened them, Steve was right above him. Bucky was trying to figure out something to say, but Steve simply leaned in and kissed him, stealing away any words that he would've come up with. 

"Want you so bad, Buck." He laid back as Steve moved kisses to his jaw, then neck. "Can't wait for the opportunity to kiss all of you." He nipped at a collarbone, then a nipple. Steve always got bitey during sex. Steve bared his teeth so that he could rub them between the ridges of Bucky's ribs. He squirmed as Steve continued his way quickly down Bucky's body, obviously planning to give Buck what he asked for. 

The Bucky felt a slick finger circle his rim, touching him confidently between his cheeks. He hadn't even noticed Steve opening the lube or spreading it on his fingers. The tip of a finger temptingly poked at his opening, but not giving him anymore than just a fingertip. 

"Stevie," Bucky wanted this so badly. He hadn't had sex since he'd moved back to the states three months ago, but he'd had a fairly regular sex life back in Bucharest. It wasn't enough that his naturally high libido was satisfied, but it was fine. Despite the fact that it had been a few months since he'd slept with anyone, Bucky knew that it had been much longer since he'd bottomed. As someone who considered himself versatile, it wasn't that he didn't enjoy it. The handful of toys in the top left drawer of his dresser proved that he pretty much loved being stuffed with a big cock; it was just that being with someone like that was an extremely vulnerable position (literally, figuratively, and emotionally). He was vulnerable enough as it was with a missing limb. 

Bucky gasped as Steve went down on him again. He felt the finger at his hole push in slowly, and he tried to relax himself for the insertion. The initial push felt a little cold and uncomfortable. He took a deep breath. There was enough lube that it didn't hurt as it made it way past the tight ring of muscle, but he knew that Steve was going to have to work in a few more fingers before Bucky could take him. 

Bucky felt that digit gently slide in and out as the suction on his dick increased. 

"So good, Stevie." Bucky placed his hand in Steve's hair. 

Bucky's hips rocked slightly, and Steve took the opportunity to work in a second finger. He could feel a little burn as Steve's fingers pulled apart to stretch him. He heard, rather than felt, his dick fall out of Steve's mouth with a wet pop. 

He was about to ask why, but all that came out was a keening noise, but then it was clear that Steve couldn't contain his dirty talk. 

"You like that?" Steve voice was smug, "You want more of my fingers in your ass?" 

"Yes, yes!" Bucky yelped out loud as Steve intentionally hit that sweet spot inside him. "Please, Stevie, please!" 

He opened his eyes to watch Steve swallow him again and start bobbing his head faster, and the sight made him moan. He felt the uncomfortable stretch of a third finger but it was easy enough to focus on the sucking on his dick. 

Steve clearly noticed when Bucky adjusted to three fingers, because his hips started rocking again. After that, Steve's gentle stretching turned ruthless. 

He felt Steve crook his fingers and push them deep and hard inside his body. Those fingers hit his prostate repeatedly, and Bucky's head thrashed from side to side on the bed. 

"Please," he whimpered as those fingers pumped in and out quickly. Steve's other hand grasped his hip and that hot, wet mouth worked quickly around him. It was too much, the sensation was to intense. He heard himself calling out Steve's name as his eyes twisted shut again. The hand fell from his away from his body as he rocked his hips hard towards Steve's mouth and then back towards his hand. 

"Oh, yes! Steve! Yes!" Bucky found himself shouting out load as his explosive orgasm overtook him and he saw stars behind his eyelids. He felt Steve's throat constrict, swallowing every bit of his come. He felt surprisingly disappointed as those fingers left his body. 

Bucky's entire body went slack. The orgasm left his body loose and easy; it felt devastatingly sexy. 

He felt Steve completely man-handle him, but he went with it. Steve moved quickly; without waiting for Bucky to recover, Steve flipped him onto his stomach and kneeled behind his body. 

He turned his head to lazily look over his shoulder at the other man. When had Steve taken the rest of his clothes off? 

Steve sat back on his heels, with his legs folded under him. Bucky watched as Steve grabbed his hips in either hand and pulled Bucky's ass back towards him. Bucky absently noticed the latex around that huge cock and wondered when Steve had had time to take care of protection. Clearly coming had left him a little more out of it than he'd realized. Steve used a hand to position himself a Bucky's entrance and then pulled Bucky's body back towards his own. 

Bucky moaned into the bedspread quietly as felt that huge, massive hardness that was Steve press firmly against his stretched hole. Sure, Steve had large fingers, but he was clearly much bigger than the three fingers that had been used to stretch him. 

Steve wasn't being aggressive, obviously trying not to hurt Bucky, but he wasn't wasting his time either. 

"Oh, fuck, Bucky," Steve's voice had dropped down to a growl, "You're so hot. So tight." 

Bucky cried out as he felt Steve slowly enter him, and not stopping until he was buried to the hilt. He didn't give Bucky any time to adjust to the huge insertion into his body. The overstimulation was almost uncomfortable, and it left Bucky as a whimpering mess. He hadn't come down all the was from his orgasm before Steve had buried himself inside his ass, and Steve didn't waste anytime in pulling out and sliding back in. 

The was something delectably delicious about Steve being so deep that he could feel Steve's balls pressed against his body. 

Bucky's fantasies hadn't done justice to just how hung Steve was, and despite the prep, Bucky could feel a bit of burn from the sheer girth of Steve. 

"Oh Bucky. Oh yes. You're so tight. Gonna spilt you open on my dick, baby." 

Bucky's mouth dropped open in a silent shout. Steve held both his hips and was literally working Bucky's entire body back and fourth on his cock. He'd pull Bucky further from him, and then thrust forward as he pulled Bucky's ass towards him. Bucky had no choice but to take it, head and chest on the bed in front of him with his ass in the air. He whimpered as Steve thrusted hard into him, hitting his prostate and making his whole body shiver with the intense pain/pleasure of overstimulation. 

"Take it, honey," Steve's hips started to snap forward faster, "Just take it, Buck. Let me give you what you want." 

Despite everything, Bucky could feel himself getting hard again, which he was shocked about seeing as that last climax took so much out of him. 

Of course, Steve noticed as well. He snapped his hips up towards Bucky and ground his hips against that ass to get deeper inside him. He took the opportunity to drop a hand away from Bucky's hip and roughly fondle the cock hanging heavy from his body. Bucky knew he was half hard again. 

Steve chuckled, a dark, harsh thing, "What's this? You getting hard again, baby? You want to come again? Want to get off while I work you with my cock?" 

With the inability to form words, Bucky groaned brokenly in reply. 

All he could do is lay there, his ass resting up on His partner's folded legs as Steve worked himself in and out of his body. He listed to Steve's breathing pick up and the filth falling from between his lips. Steve continued to man handle his body while thrusting into it. 

"Gonna come, baby," Steve's grip tightened, "Gonna come so deep inside you, honey. You're gonna feel it." 

Bucky whined as a hand wrapped around his dick, and Steve worked him roughly in time with the thrusts against his ass. He felt a thumb rub over the head of his dick, and it was enough to make him cry out. Steve's body stiffened as he pushed deeper into Bucky's pliant body. 

"Yes, yes, that's it," Even as he was coming, Steve was still growling into Bucky's ear. 

The hand on his dick moved quicker and, against all odds, Bucky felt himself coming, almost painfully, into Steve's fist and onto his own body. 

His body felt utterly spent and used. Steve took everything he had to give and then some. 

Bucky felt an emptiness as Steve moved away from him, and felt hands gently laying him down on the bed, on his right side. Well, that was awful considerate. 

Bucky's eyes fluttered open and he realized he must've dozed off for a moment. The soiled comforter had been removed, and Steve was standing above him, tenderly wiping jizz off his abdomen with a wet washcloth. Steve folded the washcloth in half, and Bucky felt as it was moved it between his legs. He couldn't help the light blush on his cheeks. In an embarrassingly intimate move, a probing fingertip wiped the lube from his entrance. Bucky was sure he was messy with slick, so he appreciated the effort even if it felt even more intimate than what they'd just did. His blush deepened as the washcloth wrapped around Steve's fingertip easily slid into his stretched hole. It was obvious that it wasn't inherently sexual, as it was no more than just the tip of Steve's finger cleaning him quickly and efficiently, but he couldn't fight the blush it caused. No lover had done that for him before. 

He watched as Steve tossed that washcloth onto the floor, and then lifted up a second damp washcloth. It was warm as Steve swept it across his brow and hairline, brushing off the sweat there. Steve slowly rubbed it around to the back of his neck, careful not to brush up against where the bandages started on his left side. 

In an almost comical contrast to the harsh way Steve had just been nailing his ass, Steve leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss to his cheek. 

"Steve," His voice was a whisper as he fought to keep his eyes open, "That was..." He made a gesture in the air with his hand to try and convey what he meant. 

"I know, Buck," Steve gave an easy chuckle, "That was amazing. You're amazing." 

Bucky sighed contentedly as he felt the mattress dip behind him and Steve wrapped those big arms around his body. He felt peaceful as Steve's warm body spooned his own. It had been a long time since he'd felt that kind of fuzziness in his chest. Bucky yawned as Steve nuzzled at the back of his neck. 

He knew that it couldn't have been later than 9:00, but still, Bucky couldn't seem to keep his eyes open. His therapist would probably say something about a cathartic physical and emotional release, but Bucky had all ready decided that emotional shit could wait until tomorrow. Instead, he decided not to fight it, and let the steady breathing from Steve's chest lull him gently into a comfortable sleep… 

The first time Bucky woke up, he found his head pillowed on Steve's chest while Steve laid on his back. Steve had one arm loosely under Bucky's body and around his waist. They'd kicked the top sheet off at some point, and Bucky noticed that neither had gotten cold despite their nakedness. Steve's large body was relaxed and spread out easily on half of the bed, and naturally Bucky's eyes travelled down to glance at Steve's soft cock, resting easily in the crease between his leg and hip. He felt the hard muscle underneath his cheek and remembered how Steve's body always ran hot. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand to see that it was just after midnight. 

He sighed to himself, making sure to do so quietly, as he figured he'd better get going. Steve had invited him back to his place, with the promise of an explanation and a blow job. Granted, the blowie certainly led to other things but they hadn't talked about that. Steve hadn't mentioned sleeping together, and he certainly hadn't said anything about Bucky staying the night. It had been years since they dated, and Bucky couldn't imagine that Steve would want a man who was practically a stranger staying all night in his bed. Honestly, Bucky was sure that Steve wouldn't expect to see him there in the morning. 

The warmth in his chest cooled a bit, but what did he expect? He was just a stranger to Steve. He could be anyone. Steve wouldn't begrudge him falling asleep, though. Right? I mean, really that part was Steve's fault entirely. He wore Bucky out, and the sleeping was a direct result of that. 

Their night together had been amazing, and Bucky honestly couldn't remember when he'd come so hard, or twice in such quick succession. He was 29, not 18 any more, and he typically needed more time to get it up like that so quickly after climax. Just further proof that Steve was the best sex he'd ever had. 

He just hoped that they could do it again soon. Well, maybe not that soon, judging by the twinge he felt in his ass as he started to roll over. It felt like he just got hammered repeatedly by a nine inch cock… which was, well, fairly accurate. 

Maybe he should leave Steve his number? It seemed bad form to enter it into the phone resting on the nightstand without permission. It'd probably be locked anyway. Surely there was something in the kitchen he could write with/on. He idly wondered if Steve would call him after this. Sure, there was talk about something else… but they were both lusting after each other and Bucky knew how easily list could cloud decisions. But hey, he probably should leave his number, even if Steve just wanted sex again. 

Because this had been amazing. 

He was happy that he had a day off from physical therapy, seeing as he wouldn't be able to readily explain moving stiffly to his doctors. That would be embarrassing. 

He eased Steve's arm from around his waist and then rolled his body away from Steve, toward the other side of the bed. 

He didn't even make it completely off the mattress. 

"Mm Buck?" Steve mumbled, his voice garbled with sleep. His eyes were only slightly opened, looking blearily in Bucky's direction. 

Even hazy with sleep with only the low light coming through the window, all Bucky could think was that he was gorgeous. 

"Yeah, it's just me, Stevie." He reached out and gave a squeeze to Steve's outstretched arm. "Go back to sleep." 

He stepped away from the mattress and looked over the floor until he spotted a pair of black briefs. 

"What ya doin'?" Steve's voice was punctuated with a yawn as he rolled onto his side, facing Bucky and watching as he pulled his underwear back on. 

Despite himself, Bucky couldn't help but smile at how completely cute Steve was when he was only half awake. 

"Just wanted to get back before it got too late." He looked around for his pants, slightly confused at why they weren't located with his briefs. They came off at the same time. "It's just after midnight. We fell asleep pretty early." 

"Mmph," Steve responded with some sort of grunt, and Bucky just assumed he fell back asleep. 

He finally located his sweats and bent over to grab them, but felt a pair of large hands settle lightly on his hips before he could. He hadn't even heard Steve get out of the bed. 

Pants in his hand, he felt Steve pull him back a step so their bodies were flush. He could feel Steve's body heat all through his back where it was pressed against Steve's torso. 

He felt a nose rubbing at his hairline. 

"You should stay." Steve's voice was quiet, but sure, and his breath was warm on the back of Bucky's neck. 

"Steve," Bucky honestly wasn't sure how to respond. He hadn't really expected Steve to make that offer. 

"That's if you want to, of course," Steve pressed light kisses to the side of Bucky's neck, "No pressure." 

Bucky felt his body relax, leaning back against Steve's strong form. 

Steve sucked gently on the sensitive spot beneath Bucky's ear. One hand releases his hip and pressed flat against his abdomen, fingers hot on his skin. 

"Y-you want me to stay?" Bucky's eyes fluttered closed, Steve's ministrations were impossible to ignore. 

"Yes. Come back to bed," Steve voice was still heavy with sleep as he continued to kiss Bucky's neck. He slid his hand down Bucky's smooth skin and into the elastic of his briefs. He wrapped a hand around Bucky's soft cock and jacked him slowly. 

"Stevie," Bucky's body shuddered hard. Despite the few hours of sleep, he was so tired. His body was exhausted and his ass was beyond sore. 

"Come back to bed," Steve repeated as his tongue traced along the shell of Bucky's ear. 

Bucky sighed and just enjoyed the feeling of Steve's hand on him, "Okay." 

Bucky let Steve lead him back towards the bed and pull him down to the mattress. Steve wrapped one of his arms tightly around Bucky's body, and use the other hand to pull at Bucky's underwear. 

Bucky chuckled and kicked off his briefs, dropping them off the side of the mattress. Steve pulled their naked bodies together, and cuddled Bucky to his chest. 

… 

The second time Bucky woke up, he was alone in bed with a top sheet over his body. He found his eyes blinking against sunshine flooding the room. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand, and noted that it was 7:00. 

He groaned as he rolled out of the bed, his lower back screaming at him. His breathed hissed out between his teeth as he felt the full soreness that had settled into his ass. Apparently Steve had been right about splitting him open. 

He had noticed the bathroom attached to Steve's bedroom the night before, and took advantage of the facilities to relieve himself. He also helped himself to Steve's toothbrush and tooth paste. 

Splashing water on his face, Bucky took the opportunity to look at his reflection in the mirror and couldn't fight the massive grin making it's way to his face. 

He looked utterly wrecked. 

There were five small purple bruises on his left hip, mirroring the identical five on his right – obviously the marks of Steve's fingertips. There was a hickey near his collarbone, and the skin on the left side of neck was red and irritated, clearly rubbed raw from someone's beard. 

His hair was also a hot mess, and he twisted it up into a bun, securing it with the elastic he'd left on his wrist during the middle of the day yesterday. 

Feeling wide awake, he pulled his sweatpants on and his shirt too, having grabbed them both off the floor. 

All things considered, Bucky felt great. He'd forgotten how easy it was to revel in that well-fucked feeling. 

Steve has used his body last night, and made him feel so good. Then he'd asked Bucky to stay the night, and slept with their bodies wrapped around each other. It had been wonderful. 

With only a slight hitch in his step, Bucky left the bedroom, looking for Steve. 

Bucky heard Steve before he was saw him. He was laughing, his voice sounded as light as air. 

The sight that greeted Bucky as he entered the kitchen made his chest feel weird. It had been fairly easy to ignore everything they'd talked about, when Steve was balls-deep inside of him, but all of the sudden, reality came rushing back to him. It caught him by surprise. 

"Morning, Buck." Steve was grinning widely, dressed only in a pair of flannel sleep pants (and underwear as well, if that second band of elastic meant anything). He hadn't bothered with his contacts, so those glasses were resting slightly lopsided on his nose. Standing in front of his stove top, he had a spatula in one hand and was easily flipping pancakes over a flat griddle. 

He had a giggling toddler a few feet to his right, strapped into a highchair and gnawing on a pancake of his own. 

"You hungry?" That smile was blinding, "we were just sitting down for breakfast." 

Bucky looked surprised, and rather than keep it to himself, decided to be honest with Steve, "I'm surprised you want me to eat with you guys." He wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but something about it felt fucking huge. The 'you guys' obviously referred to Steve's kid. The situation was kind of awkward for Bucky and he wasn't sure what to say. 

"Bucky," Steve's expression changed, and turned into something unfailingly fond. He turned the flame off of the burner and set the spatula down. He walked around the island, a hand ruffling Peter's hand as he went, until he was directly in front of him. He reached out and took Bucky's hand in his own, twining their fingers together. Steve looked down at their linked hands before looking back at Bucky's face. He cupped a cheek in his other hand. 

"I was serious about what I said yesterday. I want you to be a part of my..." He briefly looked over at Peter and then back at Bucky, "A part of _our_ lives. I want the chance to get to know this Bucky, and I want you to get to know us." 

Making the choice was as easy as breathing. He knew it would impact his life in a big way, and that his a Steve's relationship with each other would have to be something meaningful, but he also knew how he felt when Steve looked at him. He knew how he felt in Steve's arms, and he knew how he felt when Steve kissed him. 

Bucky gave a shy smile before sitting down at the table. His voice was quiet, but warm, "I'd like that." 

Steve served them both plates of pancakes before sitting down in the chair between Bucky's and Pete's high chair. That mega watt smile was back. 

The strange feeling of domesticity made Bucky's chest feel weird again. 

"Hey, sweetheart?" Steve placed another pancake in front of Peter, and cut it up into small pieces, "This is daddy's special friend, Bucky." 

Bucky watched, an uncomfortable tension in his shoulders as the tiny brunette looked curiously over at him. 

"Pancake!" The little voice shouted before grabbing slices of pancakes in both of his tiny fists. 

"So, um," Steve cleared his throat semi-awkwardly, "if I can get my babysitter to come over tomorrow night, would you like to go out to dinner?" 

"You wanna take me out, Stevie?"He couldn't help but tease. Bucky looked over to see the blush staining Steve's cheeks. After everything they did last night, it was cute to see Steve a bit flustered. 

"I want to spent the rest of my life with you," Steve shrugged like it was the easiest answer in the world. He took a moment to pull one chunk of squished pancake out of Pete's fist and replace it with a small, plastic fork. "But I'll start with taking you on a date tomorrow night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy endings for everyone!
> 
> ...Except for Lucky. He never got any of that Pizza.
> 
> And Clint. His room mate showed up for this story, and all he got was a broken nose and a mention in passing. 
> 
> Oh well.
> 
> Happiness for everyone else!
> 
> Also - I'm debating/ will most likely adding a short epilogue so keep an eye out for that.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments = Love


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